Friday, January 30, 2009

Lucky 7?

Not likely - the 7 month mark does not look promising for a referral, but one can certainly hope. Imagine is already into their May08 referrals (as a reminder our dossier arrived June 30, 2008). I am trying to stay positive and pray that we hear something before my birthday in March...now that would be something to celebrate.

My baby is waiting for us...I just know it. I feel we are so close...didn't I say that last month...and the month before last...and the one before that...????

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A grandmother's perspective.

My mom wrote the following article for our local adoption agency's newsletter. She has an incredible way with words and thought I would share her talent. I love you Mom.

Adoption – A Gift to the Whole Family!
By Linda Davis

I am the grandmother of a beautiful little girl named Sara, who came to my daughter and her husband through adoption.

I’d like to share the story of what lead to the day that Sara came into our lives. I tell everyone, that there is no doubt that the arrival of Sara was the best day in my life. Just thinking of that day still brings tears of joy to my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, all five of my grandchildren are a gift to me, but the arrival of Sara was an extraordinary event that stands out as one of the most memorable for our whole family.

Although the decision to adopt is a very personal one, there are many people who share the journey with the couple choosing to adopt.

My husband and I have three daughters. We are a close family and we share each others’ joys and we feel each others’ pain. When my daughter Laura and her husband Chad first shared with us that they had been trying to conceive for a long time I was shocked and concerned, but still hopeful that whatever was the problem could be fixed, if indeed there was a problem at all. There were months of tests and waiting. They wanted a child so badly. They were such a good aunt and uncle to our grandchildren. I’d go to their house and see that Laura was taking her folic acid and vitamins to prepare for a pregnancy. My heart ached for them. Tests and more tests, and we prayed for good news.

There was one final test that the doctor wanted done. Laura was so sure that nothing was wrong and that this was probably a waste of time. She had me convinced that everything would be OK. I was with Laura at the hospital the day they told her that she did indeed have a problem and that conceiving a child would be difficult. I remember driving home from the hospital that cold dreary evening in December with tears streaming down my face, not quite able to grasp what they had said. Then came more months of waiting, and surgery, and medications, and then inevitably the look on Laura’s face each month as she again discovered that she wasn’t pregnant. I could see both her and Chad trying to remain positive. Eventually the options seemed to be running out and I told my friends that it felt a lot like a death. There was a grieving time. To me it felt like a huge loss. Grieving for what was probably never going to happen for my daughter. It was a constant ache of a wound that wouldn’t heal. I truly wanted nothing else than for a baby to come to Laura and Chad.

Our whole family felt so helpless as Laura and Chad were dealt with this huge blow to their life plan. I could see the pain and longing taking its toll on Laura. It was a roller coaster of emotions that she was having and I was feeling…each step of the way. I would have done anything to take away her pain. I watched Laura have a meltdown due to the stress this caused. At the same time I could also see the strength in them as a couple. How supportive of each other they were! I was in awe of them as they tackled each new challenge to becoming parents along the way. It’s a good thing they were strong, because as I have learned this is not a journey for the weak! I have to tell you that to me, it all seemed so unfair. I would see babies in the mall and long for one for Laura and Chad. When our family heard of someone expecting, we all wanted to keep it from Laura, not that she ever wanted us to do that. She was always happy for others. My other two daughters who, before Sara came to us, each had one child and both of them now wanted another. They were afraid to get pregnant, because they did not want to cause Laura any more pain. Although of course I would have been thrilled to hear the news of another grandchild on the way, I knew that at the same time my heart would go out to Laura and Chad as they would celebrate once again, someone else’s joy. It was a tough time.

And then, the tiniest glimmer of sunshine came to all of us as they made the decision to look into adoption. They finally came to understand that it was not a pregnancy that was the end all and be all. It was to parent that that was the ultimate goal. We could talk about babies again in our family as we experienced renewed hope for a child to come to them. It was a huge decision that would eventually alter our whole family’s life in such a wonderful way. In the beginning we were almost afraid to be too optimistic and yet, no question about it, things seemed brighter. There was hope again. No it was not the usual nine month wait that most people experience when they announce that they are going to be parents. Instead, it was a process. Oh my goodness…SO many questions. They were tough questions, but they needed to be asked. There can be some tough times, but oh so worth it in the long run. The waiting was hard. The months of wondering and hoping seemed like forever.

And then came the day that changed our whole family’s life forever. Laura and Chad were able to keep Sara’s coming to them a secret until they brought her home. They walked into our house with their little pink bundle and we have never known such joy. It was instant healing for our family. We cried, shouted, jumped up and down and literally screamed with joy. It was as if instantly all was well. We were all so in love with this beautiful baby girl. Our other two daughters and their spouses were ecstatic. I have a picture taken the day Sara came home, with each of our three daughters holding their children. All was well. For days, my husband and would look at each other and say out loud “Laura and Chad have baby girl..right?? We’re not dreaming”… I can’t even put into words the elation we felt. To this day, when I hug Sara, I often say a silent prayer of thanks. We are still not over the wonder of her. I don’t think that we ever will be.

And now we wait for a brother or sister for Sara to come to us from a land far away, through an international adoption. Once again, the waiting is not easy. The process seems to take forever and again many of the old feelings come to the surface. I long to hold and cuddle my new grandchild and see my daughter’s dreams come true through the most incredible gift of all, the gift of adoption. I know firsthand from our experience with Sara, that although the waiting is difficult, the new gift to our family will be well worth the wait!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Friday, January 16, 2009

Seven (7) things

I have been tagged by Rana to share 7 things about myself, so here it goes...

1. I HATE football...that's right, I said it!

2. My fingers and thumbs are double jointed.

3. I don't drink coffee, but I drink at least 3 litres of tea a day.

4. When I am really mad, I curse and swear like a trucker.

5. My entire family (mom, dad, two sisters, brother-in-laws, nieces and nephews), 13 in total, get together each and every Sunday for dinner. There has to be a REALLY good reason why someone skips. We rotate between four homes each week, but we all love going to mom and dad's the most.

6. I have one constant stress each and everyday, to the point of driving myself crazy...what should I make for dinner tonight? And organizing a menu each week just seems like more work. So I will continue to stress myself out each day.

7. I am addicted to reality TV, and not embarrassed to admit it. If someone wants to splash their personal life all over national TV, I'll watch!

I tag Barb, Lorie, Jenny (private), Sarah (private), Lyndsey, Shannon, and Alysia.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

"Our baby will come..."

Sara: "Mommy why do you sometimes cry about that new baby?"
Mommy: "Sometimes mommy just wants that baby to come home so badly that I get sad because our baby is so far away."
Sara: "Mommy, our baby will come home soon."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

-50C

Is that even a temperature? This is ridiculous. If you have never experienced this type of cold before just imagine the coldest you have ever been then times that 100. You can feel the cold through the bottom of your boots and it feels like the wind is stabbing you in the face over and over again. The tips of your finger feel like little pin cushions and your muscles seize up and cramp. Your eyes water and your nose feels like you are breathing fire (ironically) until it hits your lungs and the cold literally takes your breath away.

Funny thing is that we all just go about our day like any other - go to work, kids walk to school, take our kids to swimming lessons, run numerous errands, etc. We all say to each other "OMG is it cold out", but continue on our way. What about hibernation? The bears have it right - sleep and eat all winter long and come out when it is sunny and warm.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

What am I looking forward to the most...

That's easy - being "just" a mom for a full 9 months on parental leave (wish it was 12 months, but won't go there) with both my babies, my new one and Sara.

When we got the call about Sara I had only been at my new job for two months, it was a term position and I was just beginning to establish myself in my career. So Chad and I decided that he would take the parental leave - the WHOLE parental leave. I would wake up every morning, pick my sleeping baby up from her crib and bring her (with a bottle) to our bed next to half-asleep Chad. I would kiss them both goodbye and would think about them ALL day. We would talk on the phone several times a day and if I was lucky, Chad and Sara would meet me for lunch on occasion. I would literally speed home and RUN into the house and spend every second I could holding and kissing my baby.

Chad would send me pictures of Sara doing "firsts" during the day, like standing at the baby gate, drinking from a sippy cup and blowing a kiss. Chad even went to a few "Mom and me" groups - Chad and all the ladies - they loved it -he loved it - everyone was happy. Chad was not the typical stay-at-home parent, I did not come home to a dinner or laundry done, BUT I would come home to renovations central, our whole basement was renovated by Chad between diapering, feedings and napping.

He made me laugh so many times with all his parenting ideas/inventions - my favourite was that with each diaper change he would write (with a big black felt marker) across the top of Sara's diaper, in BIG bold letters, the time when he changed her diaper, so he would remember when she needed to be changed again - every two hours, whether she needed it or not, because that is what "the books" said. He is still convinced that he invented the baby wipe warmer.

To this day, to be funny, when Sara does something well he will say "Well Laura, I DID raise her, it is no wonder she is so good."

The ONLY thing that got me through the 9 months of leaving Sara everyday was knowing that, NO MATTER WHAT, I would be taking the leave with our second, and then I would have my time with Sara too. Now that I am in a permanent position and have been at the same job for a few years now, I am so anxious for it to be my time with my babies.

That is what I am looking forward to the most...being "just" a mom.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Let's do something a bit more fun!

Got this from a few other blogs - The items I’ve done are in bold!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain (a couple)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (does a lake count?)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (does babysitting as a teenage count?)
24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon (do 1/2 marathons count?)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice (does a water bus in Venice count?)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (Belgium)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (does coffee count?)
44. Visited Africa (Morrocco)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (does a commercial or on the news count?)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (Auschwitz, Poland - the most life changing thing I ever did)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (my blanky)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (Does a thesis count?)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chicken pox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Sorry if I offended...

OK, maybe I jumped the gun in my last post. And maybe I was a bit aggressive with my words. And maybe I am feeling a little bad for sounding so bitter. Because I do know that in the end that this particular court change/delay will benefit families in the long run. It is just really frustrating in the short run. My frustration really has nothing to do with this particular delay - it is just that one delay seems to run into another and they all get blurred together to equal a general feeling of frustration and hopelessness.

Sorry if I offended anyone - it certainly was not my intent.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Another F@$%ing delay

I am SICK and TIRED - will there EVER be ANY good news about timelines. This is getting REALLY old REALLY quickly. YES, I AM IN THE ANGRY PHASE RIGHT NOW!!

Just got word of the new court delays, which will certainly bring more referral delays - I can almost bet my life on it - More delays in court means longer to travel, means longer the babes have to stay in the transition home, means less beds available for new babes, means REFERRAL DELAYS. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT

I just want someone to give me some good news...please.