More random Sara moments

Sara: "Our baby won't have a birthmom, right?"
Mommy: "Our baby will have a birthmom, but she will live far away in Ethiopia. So we can't visit her like we do with your birthmom."
Sara: "I will share my birthmom when we visit Birthmom."

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We have started reading a book called "It's Not the Stork" (Great book to teach young children about babies, bodies, and all "that" stuff). Before we began reading the book I told she that "this book is about where babies come from." Sara replied, very confidently "I already know where babies come from. They grow inside a mommy's tummy or you can go to Ethiopia to get one!"

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Sara: "If I do all my homework, the teacher will give me a chicken coop!"
Daddy: "A chicken coop???"
Sara: "Yah, a chicken coop to Boston Pizza!"
Daddy: "Do you mean a coupon?"
Sara: "Ummmmm."

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We were driving on the highway, with farm fields all around us. At one point, we were overwhelmed with the smell of barn/manure, so to be funny, I rolled down the window to make it 'worse' and said "Oh, that smells sooooo bad!" And Sara replied, "Oh gross, I think God tooted!"

15 months

Although 15 months should feel like a huge accomplishment, in some ways it feels like we have started all over again. We have no idea whatsoever when our referral will come. We feel so close, yet so far - we are in a constant guessing game of "if this then that". I feel guilty for sounding so ungrateful, because there is no question that I am thrilled that we even have the opportunity to continue - especially with tomorrow being such a big day, with the agency reopening its doors. However, I also cannot wipe away the last 15+ months of waiting. And although we have accomplished so much over the past few months, there are still so many significant unknowns (relationships with Ethiopian orphanages and government, agency finances, timing of referrals, etc.), which is really scary. I really do wonder if this will ever end. Our life has been in a constant adoption waiting (panic, worry, numb, etc.) mode for many many years now - we really don't know anything else. It is hard to imagine any feelings of contentment or completion.

So we continue to do the only thing we know...wait.

Imagine passed court!!!!

The Imagine restructuring plan passed court today!!! Another milestone down. YIPPEE. The agency officially resumes operations in two days, Oct 1, 2009.

So now that the proposal has passed...?

With the success of the proposal passing, we have accomplished one more HUGE milestone towards bringing our baby home. The YES vote means that the creditors have accepted the restructuring plan and the agency can resume operations. However, before the agency can officially be brought out of bankruptcy, the plan must be approved in court, which is scheduled for September 29, 2009. From what I understand, the court approval is simply a formality and I will pray that the outcome is as such. Operations are expected to resume on October 1, 2009, which means:

* The bankruptcy trustee can release funds to the NEW agency.
* The agency can start flowing dollars again.
* The new board of directors can begin governance.
* Orphanages can be paid (they have not been paid since before bankruptcy).
* Relationships with orphanages can be re-established.

The biggest issue for me in all of this right now is the relationship with orphanages. Our success in re-establishing relationships with orphanages will determine when referrals will begin. Currently, the restructuring plan states that referrals will begin April 2010; however, I remain optimistic that these projections are conservative (as they should be) and provide only a "worst case scenario" view, and that referrals will resume as soon as their are children available. So for me, our BIG celebration will come after the first referrals are announced. Right now, I can't say whether it will be 4 months, 6 months, 9 months, or 1 year before our referral, but I suspect that ours will follow within a few months of the first referrals. I can't wait to get back on track!!!

One thing I now know, with confidence, is that I WILL BRING MY BABY HOME!!!!

And...

THE VOTE PASSED WITH 248 YES’S (~93%)!!! Court Date is September 29, 2009 at 10:00am...

I will bring my baby home!!!!

I Gotta Feeling

That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

What a morning to remember...

Sara started her first day of kindergarten today - not only is my little baby girl growing up, which is difficult for me already, but this is how our morning went...
Notice the boys with big smiles on their faces, waving good-bye to mom. Notice the look on Sara's face while holding the teacher's hand - not quite the same expression. She had just been torn off my leg from a death grip by the teacher, crying "Mommy, I want to go home. Mommy, please take me home." And all I could do was snap pictures as quickly as I could, so we have something to look back one day - what a morning to remember. I actually laughed (I know, I am a sick mother) all the way to work, knowing very well that the moment she got inside that she would be just fine...which I was right. When we picked her up, she did not stop for a minute telling us all the 'cool' things about kindergarten.

Our vote is in...

YES YES YES.

Well...

here it is, the Imagine Restructuring Plan. So why am I not celebrating? My heart has been bruised so many times over the past few years, I am just not ready to take "the leap" and believe in all this 100%. I am in tears and I don't even really know why...they just keep coming and I can't seem to stop. I think all the waiting and anticipation (and still more to come) has really taken a toll on me. I don't want to come across as ungrateful - because I truly feel blessed that we have been given this potential opportunity and that moving forward is even an option for us. I just cannot seem to find a place of contentment - hopeful, yes (this has gotten me through, of which I am grateful), but joyful, celebratory, or peace of mind, not just yet...

5 years ago...

Sara came home to us.

(first time we saw her)

(first time we held her)

Happy Gotcha Day Princess!