11 months...I mean 4 years.

We are now at 11 months of waiting for our referral; however, it has been over 4 years since we signed on for our second adoption. I have been so fixated on getting through to our referral on a month-to-month basis that it only dawned on me the other day that Sara was only one-year-old (she will turn five this month) when we were officially approved and began waiting for adoption number two. Over the past four years, in our adoption world, we have complete two full homestudies (one domestic and one international), three homestudy updates, have had two birthmoms change their minds, and switched our adoption plans from domestic to international - even when I don't want to think about all of "it", there is always some kind of reminder marking our journey. It better be true about what people say - "good things BETTER come to those who wait!"

Will this month be "the" month? I have not the foggiest idea! My heart wants to believe "yes", but my brain and the reality know that we are still a few months away. Several months ago we had planned to save up our vacation days for our trip to Ethiopia and my mat. leave, but we have decided that life is too short to save and wait for all this to happen. So, we are taking three weeks off this summer, just to hang out, maybe take a trip somewhere - not sure where yet (any kid-friendly suggestions are welcome).

May 15, 1999

Today marks our ten year wedding anniversary - somedays it feels like much longer and other days it feels like the first day we met, but we always wonder where the time has gone. I think we both would agree that we have only gotten better with time.

I love so many things about Chad (too many to list), but the one thing I love the most, since the day I met him, is the way he makes me laugh - even at the most unsuspecting moments, he can get me smiling. The best way to describe our marriage is "fun". We have a blast together - even when I am rolling my eyes at all his bad (and sometimes inappropriate) jokes, I could not live without the fun we share.
I love Chad above all else - we are the foundation of our family and if we are strong our family will be too. To this day, I still rush home everyday from work to see him and still smile when I see him from across a room.

People have told us that they admire us as a couple for what we have been through as we continued to thrive and grow stronger - for us, this is what we signed up for from the start, all the good, the bad, and the ugly - this is nothing to admire - this is what marriage is all about... and no matter what life throws at us, we find our safe place with each other.

...and people told us that marriage would be tough...ha, we showed them...

My life, my love, my everything...I love you, forever and a day.

TEN months waiting and never felt better...?

Ten months of waiting and I have never felt better...????? That does not seem to make any sense, does it? But, in fact, I have become at peace with things lately. I have also been putting my energy into other activities and I feel GREAT! My main distraction over the passed few months has been training for the marathon in June, and with that I have lost almost 20 pounds - hot damn! It dawned on my the other day at how well the training has been coming for me and I realized that there is one very simple explanation for it - I AM IN CONTROL - 100%. I can't say that about most other things in my life. I love it - I decide when, how long, how hard, and how often - it is all about ME ME ME ME!!!! No one telling me I have to wait, no one telling me I can't do it, no one forcing me, no one giving me bad news, etc... I really hope this new found energy can get me through the next few months!

Sara is trying to figure things out...

Sara: "Daddy, what if Claire's mommy takes our baby home from daycare one day by mistake?"
Daddy: "How could that happen?"
Sara: "Because their family is brown and her mommy might get mixed up and take our baby home."

Daddy: "Do we ever get you mixed up with other kids at daycare?"

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Sara: "Daddy, my friends will think that Claire is our baby's sister?"
Daddy: "Well, you will just have to tell them that you are the big sister, right?"
Sara: "Yes, I am the big sister."

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Sara: "Mommy, can we tell the people that own Ethiopia that I want to order a girl baby?"
Mommy: "Uh..."

Manitoba Underwater

The flooding in Manitoba is absolutely devastating in some areas – only rooftops visible in some rural areas – lots of sand bagging and evacuations. Many Winnipeg homes have also been sand bagged. Fortunately, we are at no risk whatsoever; besides water leaking into our basement because of a quick melt and frozen grown, we are fine – annoyed, but fine.

The following three pictures are from the "creek" that runs along our street.

We walk across this creek in the summer.

We walk under this bridge most days of the year.

Road closed at the end of our street because of the creek flooding the road.

The rest of these pictures are of rural Manitoba - so tragic.

NINE

That's right. Nine long months of waiting and no end in sight. Not much to say - not much to report. In fact, blogging used to be fun, motivating, and therapeutic, but lately blogging has become boring and uneventful...there is only so much adoption talk I can blog about. Honestly, I am even having difficulty finding words of encouragement for my fellow waiting bloggers - sorry.

Is it really spring?

Sara: "Mommy, there is lots of snow, all the grass is cover up again."
Mommy: "Yes, I hope it goes away soon so spring can come."
Sara: "How many sleeps."
Mommy: "Lots of sleeps."
Sara: "Mommy, because there is snow again, does that mean Santa will come back?"
Mommy: "That would be nice, wouldn't it?"

I'm tired.

I'm tired...sick, exhausted, drained, bored or fed up...any of these words would work.

I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of the delays.
I'm tired of people asking "when?".
I'm tired of saying "Maybe next month."
I'm tired of no referral news.
I'm tired of blogging about the wait.
I'm tired of feeling like crap.
I'm tired of wondering.
I'm tired of having to defend my choices.
I'm tired of repeating myself over and over.
I'm tired of trying to stay busy to distract myself.
I'm tired of being my own advocate.
I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me.
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself.
I'm tired of being consumed by this.
I'm tired of this running my life.
I'm tired of being excited for everyone else.
I'm tired of caring.
I'm tired of thinking about this all day long.
I'm tired of the drama.
I'm tired of complaining.
I'm tired of the system.
I'm tired of watching each month go by.
I'm tired of having to ask so many questions.
I'm tired of being asked all the questions.
I'm tired of getting my hopes up.
I'm tired of trying to plan our life around this.
I'm tired of the unknown.
I'm tired of the process.
I'm tired of being tired.

I'm tired.

What are you tired of?

I NEED YOUR HELP

I am in the process of drafting a letter to my (Manitoba) government regarding its policy to close a domestic adoption file once an international adoption file is opened.

I am hoping that my fellow bloggers from across Canada can help me out on this one. I need to know the policies and procedures regarding this issue in your province. You can leave a comment or email me lcmorrison@shaw.ca. Here are a few key questions for you to consider:

Does your province allow you to have both a domestic and international application open at the same time? For example, in Manitoba, once our dossier leaves Canada, our domestic file is closed. However, I know that in Alberta a family can keep their domestic file open and wait for an international referral at the same time.

If your province closes domestic files, could you please describe the rational as to this policy?

If your province allows families to keep both domestic and international files open simultaneously, could you please describe the rational as to this policy? What is the procedure for ensuring that an international referral and domestic birthmom do not happen at the same time? If you receive a child (domestic or international), what happens to the other file?

Do you have a contact within your province of someone I could speak with about this issue? Access to rationale and policy documents, etc…

Thank you for your assistance.

HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE

International Women's Day, March 8, 2009

Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home.

Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Have we ever come a long way...

As I was about to press "publish post" Chad says "Ah, the good old days" :) I replied "While you are downstairs can you bring up the clothes from the dryer and put a new load in the wash. Oh, and by the way, I am have a hair appointment tomorrow after work, so you have to pick up Sara and you are on your own for dinner." And he called up from downstairs "I can't remember, can your black pants go in the dryer?" Life is GREAT!