"What a wonderful thing you are doing."
"You are doing such a brave/courageous/noble thing."
"It is so great that you are giving a child a chance at life."
and so on and so on...while all these comments we have received in one form or another have validity - I must confess that our main decision to pursue an Ethiopian adoption is purely selfish...I JUST WANT ANOTHER BABY AND BE DONE! This mission is simply a means to an end.
At the same time, I sometimes feel quite guilty for sounding so egocentric - we are spending all this money for our own selfish desires to complete our family - I have often thought "why not send all the money we have put towards this adoption to help a family in Ethiopia?" Just writing that made my stomach turn with guilt. What if our future child could have thrived within his/her birth family if only they had been provided the resources. STOP - how timely, I just read a blog posted (and comments) this morning on this very topic - it is said more eloquently then I could have ever express, check it out http://rowanfamilytree.wordpress.com/2008/07/28/a-25000-question/ - Thanks Nicky.
My rationale - Bottomline is that adoption is the only way we can complete our family - so I need to think of it more as our reality then being selfish. I like to think of it this way:
"We are so blessed to have this child join our family."
"We are honoured that we were chosen to be parents for this child."
"We are honoured that we were chosen to be parents for this child."
"We are the lucky ones."
I think I am kind of talking in circles and I don't even know if I have truely expressed my thoughts or even know exactly what I am trying to say in the first place. So take this post for whatever it is worth.
I think I am kind of talking in circles and I don't even know if I have truely expressed my thoughts or even know exactly what I am trying to say in the first place. So take this post for whatever it is worth.
4 comments:
I totally hear you. I'm at the same place.
Great post. I think this is something all adoptive parents have thought about a lot, I know we did anyways.
It is nice to get some discussions about it going on the blogs!
Thank you for posting this. This is exactly how we feel. Adopting is 100% selfish for us. We need this to survive as a family unit. We so want children in our lives.
Thank you for having the courage to post this message.
Barb
I feel exactly the same way. I have a hard time expressing it to people but I do often tell them that there is a selfish aspect to us adopting and then I try to explain myself but I never do it very well.
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