FIVE

I actually don't have a whole lot to say with hitting 5 months. I am not feeling much right now...kind of numb. I am resigned to the fact that there is no possible way (no matter how you look at it) that our referral is coming before Christmas (sad sad sad thing is that a little part of my heart still hopes I am wrong) and will be anxiously awaiting great news in the new year. I really do feel that we are getting closer with five months behind us...and I keep hoping that our "older" infant referral (up to 18 months) may make a little difference in our wait time ...I might be dreaming on that one, but according to my list of all the families I keep track of, we are one of the only families waiting for a babe over 12 months - so I am kind of hoping that the extra 6 months might make a little bit of a difference.

I am beyond the point of feeling sorry for myself (for now). I need to chanel my energy somewhere else for a bit. So, with that, Chad and I leave for Las Vegas in one week. We have never been and I am getting really excited. We have not really planned anything while we are there. We know that we are going in the low season, so we have not purchased tickets to any shows - we are hoping to get some last minute deals. If anyone has any suggestions of "must sees", please share. I really wanted to see "O" but it is not showing in December :(

Life gave me the gift of you

I didn’t give you the gift of life,
But in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real,
As if it had been so.
For us to have each other
Is like a dream come true.
No, I didn’t give you the gift of life,
Life gave me the gift of you.
– Unknown

Does anyone have a friend who...

you have known for years, MANY years

you don't see very often (maybe a few times a year)

you rarely talk to on the phone or correspond by email

you each have "closer" friends who you correspond with much more often

But...

is one of the first persons you think of when something really important happens in your life

is the one who is always a shoulder to lean on, a pep talk, a place to cry, and a place to just be, a place where it is safe to feeling crappy or depressed…with no judgement

where there is a mutual, unspoken feeling of an unconditional commitment, trust, and assurance that she will always be a soft place to land in any moment

has seen you at your best (and celebrated with you) and worst (and sat with you through all of it)

Thank you Christine for the precious gift...and so much more.

Adoption T-Shirts

I found a site where you can order cool adoption clothing and nick-knacks - http://shop.cafepress.com/adoption - I tried copying some of the pictures, but it wouldn't let me. So instead I have included some of my favorite idioms I found - there are also some really cute pictures.

For Babies/Children:
* Don’t tell my parents, but they don’t look a thing like me
* I don’t have my mom’s eyes. But I do have her heart
* I’m living proof that adoption is beautiful
* Sorry to have kept you waiting
* I grew in my mommy’s heart, not under it
* So I’m adopted. You were an accident
* Sorry Angelina I’m taken
* Yes, I’m bilingual. I cry in two languages
* I am a dream come true…
* Hand picked & heaven sent
* I was wished for, longed for, hoped for, prayed for, and now I am a dream come true.
* Yes, we’re really sisters (brothers).
* Adopted. And proud of it.
* Adoption is a magical kiss, released to the wind, that travels the world, and rests on the cheek of a miracle. I am a miracle.
* Special Delivery from Ethiopia. Handle with care.
* Blogling.

For Parents/Parents-to-be:
* No, still waiting. No, no news. Yes, make it a double.
* I may not be showing, but I am growing…
* Childbirth is an act of nature, adoption is an act of God.
* Adoption is another word for love.
* It isn’t how you birth your baby, it’s how you love your child.
* Yes, I am his/her real dad/mom.
* Some babies come by stork. My baby is coming by 747.

What would you do?

So, we had a babysitter a couple of nights ago and I would like to know what others think about what transpired and what you would do the next time you needed a sitter.

Background: First off, my feelings with babysitters and food is "if you find it in the kitchen, you can eat it." This was her second time babysitting for us. She is young, quiet, but nice and polite; she is fantastic with Sara - she loves to play. She even cleans our house! So what's the issue???

When we arrived home and I was getting ready to take her home, she grabbed her jacket and a jawbreaker (one of my MANY jawbreakers I buy in bulk - yes, I love candy, any candy) fell out of her jacket pocket and rolled down the stairs, plunk plunk plunk plunk... So I am thinking "OK, fine one jawbreaker, no big deal." Then after the first one landed, a second one fell out following the first one down the stairs, plunk plunk plunk plunk... (what was only a few seconds, felt like a scene in slow motion). Chad and I looked at each other and it took everything in me not to burst out into laughter. I tried to downplay the event, because I am sure she was embarrassed enough.

So I drove her home, with only a little bit of small talk - "How was Sara? What did you guys do? Was her a good girl? What time did she go to bed? etc." But the entire time I was thinking about the jawbreakers...

When I got back home and opened the door, Chad looked at me and we both burst out into laughter, at the same time I said "I'm really not sure what to think of that."

So with much pondering, I have two very conflicting feelings about this event. On one hand, she's young...so she likes candy and she wanted a bit for later...I said she could help yourself to anything - so she took a couple (at least) jawbreakers, is it really the end of the world? On the other hand, it starts with the jawbreakers, then what? My spare change, my jewellery? With that said, I have difficultly placing jawbreakers in the same category as jewellery. However, the bottom line is she took something (kind of without asking) out of my home. Can I trust her in my home next time?

So, parents and parents-to-be, what would you do, would you have her back?

Do you have AOCD? Take this test to find out.

If you answer "yes" to any of the following questions you may need to be treated for Adoption Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (AOCD). You should immediately consult with family, friends, and especially fellow adoption blogger.

 Repeated actions over and over - Do you ritually check adoption blogs and forums MANY times a day; especially at the most unusual/inappropriate times like during work or before your coat and shoes are off when you get home from being out for any amount of time?
 Involuntarily persistent thoughts - Do you wake up every morning and go to bed each night (and most hours in between) thinking about adoption? Or do you find yourself trying to steer conversations onto the topic of adoption because it is the only topic you can seem to concentrate on for any period of time?
 Arranging and having things orderly - Do you keep a tracker and/or spreadsheet tracking wait times and referrals (if you use a color coding system, add two points to your score)? Or do you check other peoples trackers and/or databases to count where you are "in line"?
 Aggressive or horrific thoughts - When people say "Hang in there!" and you smile and say "thanks", would you rather hang them? Or when people say "Good things come to those who wait", do you wonder if they have ever had to wait for something this important (we are talking about a baby, not dessert)? Or after someone says "Everything happens for a reason", would you like to smack them and say "I'll show you my reason!"
 Uncontrolled emotions - When you see beautiful black babies at the grocery store do you become overwhelmed with emotion? Do you get disappointed when someone doesn't comment on your blog, even when you know lots of people are reading it? Do you scream into your pillow for, what seems like, no particular reason?
 Repeated doubts - Do you wonder if your adoption will ever happen? Do you wonder if your file got lost/misplaced somehow, so technically, you are not on the "waiting list"? Do you ever think that they might forget you are waiting and skip your referral?
 Demanding reassurance - Do you depend on regular updates and correspondence from your agency for your sanity? And if you don't hear from your agency, do you email and/or call them to subtly remind them that you are still waiting?

Feeling defeated.

I am having a bad week. I am feeling completely defeated and doubtful that this is ever going to happen. I am feeling panicked that "something" is going to happen before we get our referral and that this will NEVER happen. I have a heavy chest just thinking about it right now. I look at the loooooong list of families ahead of us and selfishly wish that we should be bumped to the front, just because...then I feel guilty for even feeling this way, because I know there are so many families that have been waiting a lot longer then us, just as desperate to hold their babies as I am. And to add to my guilt, I have a beautiful, amazing, remarkable 4-year-old daughter and husband that I should be putting all this energy into.

I feel like every time a referral comes in that we get a little closer, then a new family appears on the forum who are ahead of us or I hear of families switching from siblings to singles, which puts us right back to the end of line again.

I sometimes feel like a fraud with my friends and family; they ask "Soooo, anything new?" and I respond "No, still waiting, but hopefully we will hear by Christmas...in the new year...in late winter...in the spring." - my answer changes every time someone asks. Was I ever a fool, when we started this process back in January, I actually thought that maybe we will be home with our baby by Christmas - jokes on me - little did I know that Christmas really meant 2009, not 2008.

Is it really that Black and White...

I'm sure most have seen a version of this at some point, but every time I see it I get the chills. How can we teach our children that they are strong, powerful, beautiful, and deserving in their own skin, that diversity should be celebrated and honoured. I feel that as much as I believe and teach this, society sets such a powerful message that tells us that we all need to look like "this" or act like "that" to fit in. So sad.



Chad and I did a version of this experiment with our 4-year-old daughter; the results were very encouraging. She seemed to "randomly" select the white or black doll regardless of the questions (nice vs bad, pretty vs ugly). Her comments included: the white doll is ugly "because she is not smiling", the black doll is pretty "because she has pretty eyes." She pointed at both dolls when asked "Which doll do you want to be your friend?" I want my children to honour themselves inside and outside. I want to ensure that my children grow up to be confident in who they are and respect others as they are. I hope I can?

FAM...my other baby.

Friends of Adoption Manitoba (FAM) is an organization that I was part of establishing a couple of years ago. It started with a group of families that identified several gaps in adoption services and support in Manitoba. We are now working towards addressing these issues in our province. You can learn more about our organization at our newly launched website - www.friendsofadoption.mb.ca/.

We most recently held a Candle Lighting Ceremony at the Legislative Building in Winnipeg to launch Adoption Awareness Month. We honoured adoptees and everyone who loves them. We had about 150 people attend - it was great!

Wicked witch?