Thursday, December 04, 2008

It is what it is.

I have come to realize that most of my frustrations/anxiety during this process really have nothing to do with the actual process, but rather the constantly changing timelines. We have gone from 2-4 months, to 4-6 months, to 6+ months, to 7+ months, and now 8+ months. With every month behind us, another is added in its place - I feel we are making no progress what-so-ever. I think I would be much more accepting and settled if the wait times would not keep changing, whether it were 2 months or 2 years - at least we would not have so many false expectations and could mentally prepare for our wait accordingly. Each change in our wait time means having to readjust my mental timeline - this is exhausting and draining, emotionally and physically.

Do I sometime wish we would have started this process sooner (especially when you look back at families from last year who only waited about 2 months for a referral)? - yes, but only sometimes. The reality is that this is our journey and I don't understand or can't explain why our journey is different, shorter/longer, more/less complicated then others - but it is what it is. God had another plan for me and I have accepted my path - Not to say that this acceptance has come easily or that I do not slip back into the "why me?" mode from time to time. The bottom line is that life is not fair; however, we need to take what life gives us and do our best to make it right - to make it meaningful - to make it worth something. As much as I get frustrated, angry and pissed off at times, I am also grateful for everything that this journey has and will bring - a test of patience, a sense of meaning, an appreciation for what is important in life, and most importantly, a beautiful and amazing family that I would not change/trade for anything.

6 comments:

D Dae said...

I hear you girl! Take care of yourself!

Rana said...

Amen friend!! I believe we are only given what we can handle and boy-oh-boy can we handle a lot.

Sharla said...

It feels a bit like the carrot is being dangled in front of you and then yanked away as soon as you get close, doesn't it? But in the end, we will all have our children in our arms so you are right. This is the journey that will bring us to them.

The Mannings said...

i am hearing you! i am trying to come to terms with longer wait times myself and the thought that it might just be 2010 till we travel. In the end we will look at our babies and just know that they were meant for us!! stay strong.

Curvy Runner said...

My husband and I were discussing this very thing today. We keep going round in circles trying to predict when things might happen-it could make a person crazy! I am such a PLANNER it is hard to turn things over to higher powers sometimes. I comfort myself knowing that there is a reason-even if I can't see it right now.

The Warren Family said...

I hear you as well...when our file landed they told us 4 months. Now 4 months later they say 8 months. I can't help but feel we have made little to no progress. Ahhh!