I have come to realize that most of my frustrations/anxiety during this process really have nothing to do with the actual process, but rather the constantly changing timelines. We have gone from 2-4 months, to 4-6 months, to 6+ months, to 7+ months, and now 8+ months. With every month behind us, another is added in its place - I feel we are making no progress what-so-ever. I think I would be much more accepting and settled if the wait times would not keep changing, whether it were 2 months or 2 years - at least we would not have so many false expectations and could mentally prepare for our wait accordingly. Each change in our wait time means having to readjust my mental timeline - this is exhausting and draining, emotionally and physically.
Do I sometime wish we would have started this process sooner (especially when you look back at families from last year who only waited about 2 months for a referral)? - yes, but only sometimes. The reality is that this is our journey and I don't understand or can't explain why our journey is different, shorter/longer, more/less complicated then others - but it is what it is. God had another plan for me and I have accepted my path - Not to say that this acceptance has come easily or that I do not slip back into the "why me?" mode from time to time. The bottom line is that life is not fair; however, we need to take what life gives us and do our best to make it right - to make it meaningful - to make it worth something. As much as I get frustrated, angry and pissed off at times, I am also grateful for everything that this journey has and will bring - a test of patience, a sense of meaning, an appreciation for what is important in life, and most importantly, a beautiful and amazing family that I would not change/trade for anything.