14 months

Well, I have debated whether or not to mark our 14th month (you may have noticed that I skipped right passed 13, like they do on elevators - not a good month to remember). But I am determined to stay positive and live true to my mantra "I will bring my baby home". So with that...

CHEERS to 14 months! 14 months of waiting, wondering, and worrying...but somewhere across that big deep blue ocean our baby awaits. How much longer? - 8 more months, 1 more year, maybe even longer before we hold our sweet miracle - but the one thing I do believe (I must believe) is that "I will bring my baby home."

Funny how a picture can describe exactly how you are feeling.

I saw this and immediately could relate...

This truck was traveling from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail. It flipped end-over-end, across the culvert outlet, and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which he was traveling.

Now look at the 2nd picture below...

I am the one in the passenger seat...not literally, but figuratively speaking. I am absolutely positively officially completely "on the edge" and can hardly stand the suspense of how this story ends.

One more week...

before the bankruptcy trustee is suppose to present the restructuring plan...

then another creditors vote to accept the plan...

then court to approve the plan...

then our plans live...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Our Fancy Nancy

BTW, if you have a girly Girl, Fancy Nancy is The Perfect book for her!!!

I'm not superstitious...just precautious

I am not superstitious; however, over the past few weeks, I have implemented the following precautionary measures...just in case:

Crossing my fingers
Knocking on wood
Turned seven times in a clockwise circle
Got a horseshoe and rabbit foot (still trying to find a four-leaf clover)
Tried to follow the end of a rainbow
Wore my clothes inside out
Built a fish pond and got a goldfish
I am avoiding cracks, ladders, mirrors, black cats, and opening umbrellas in the house...

Did I mention that the bankruptcy happened in our 13th month of waiting?

But I reiterate, I am not superstitious... by the way, did I missing anything? :) :) :)

Positive thoughts are contagious

A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds (R. Sasson).

I noticed the other day that Chad and I had once again started saying "WHEN that baby comes..." instead of "IF that baby comes..." Instead of feeling defeated we are hopeful. Instead of being devastated we are determined. My new mantra is...

I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.

Now say it with me..."Laura WILL bring her baby home"...that's right, positive thoughts ONLY.

"You idiot, I tried."

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, “You can’t stay here you have to come with us.”

The old man replied, “No, God will save me.” So the boat left.

A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, “God will save me.” So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, “God will save him.” So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “You idiot, I tried. I sent three boats after you!!”

Am I the idiot on the porch? Are all these delays, barriers, brick walls, and dead ends God’s way of trying to tell me that we need to stop all this? That it is over? That our time has passed? Is the bankruptcy one of the boats and this is His way of trying to rescue me from drowning?

What if this is suppose to be the end? And if it is, PLEASE just let it be!!! I don't know how much longer I can hold on - I began to grieve this loss and now we are offered hope. This is torture…emotional torture.

Maybe this whole journey is some kind of test? A test of patience, of perseverance, of will, of determination, of resilience, of endurance…of insanity.

One thing I do know is that I am so tired and I sometimes want to give up...but then I dream of him again...His eyes. His hands. His skin. His smile.

Without You

Without You

Rent Soundtrack

Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows

Without you, the seeds root
the flowers bloom
the children play

The stars gleam
the poets dream
the eagles fly
without you

The Earth turns
the sun burns
but I die, without you

Without you, the breeze warms
the girl smiles
the cloud moves

Without you, the tides change
the boys run
the oceans crash

The crowds roar

the days soar
the babies cry
without you

The moon glows
the river flows
but I die without you

The world revives
colors renew
but I know blue
only blue
lonely blue
willingly blue
Without you

Without you, the hand gropes
the ear hears
the pulse beats

Without you, the eyes gaze
the legs walk
the lungs breathe

The mind churns
the heart yearns
the tears dry without you

Life goes on
but I'm gone
'cause I die, without you
without you
without you
without you...

Vacation Bubble...POP...back to reality.

The three of us lived in a family vacation bubble for the past week - we ate, drank, swam, shopped, and laughed for 7 straight days. We spent a couple days in Minneapolis and then a few days in Wisconsin Dells. We so needed this...Now back to the real world...