There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.
The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, “You can’t stay here you have to come with us.”
The old man replied, “No, God will save me.” So the boat left.
A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.
The old man again replied, “God will save me.” So the boat left him again.
An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.
Again the old man refused to leave stating that, “God will save him.” So the boat left him again.
Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, “Why didn’t you save me?”
God replied, “You idiot, I tried. I sent three boats after you!!”
Am I the idiot on the porch? Are all these delays, barriers, brick walls, and dead ends God’s way of trying to tell me that we need to stop all this? That it is over? That our time has passed? Is the bankruptcy one of the boats and this is His way of trying to rescue me from drowning?
What if this is suppose to be the end? And if it is, PLEASE just let it be!!! I don't know how much longer I can hold on - I began to grieve this loss and now we are offered hope. This is torture…emotional torture.
Maybe this whole journey is some kind of test? A test of patience, of perseverance, of will, of determination, of resilience, of endurance…of insanity.
One thing I do know is that I am so tired and I sometimes want to give up...but then I dream of him again...His eyes. His hands. His skin. His smile.