Sunday, February 28, 2010

Oh joy, oh bliss, oh crap, oh piss...

February has ended and we have reached 20 months of waiting. I just don't have the energy to collect all my thoughts in an organized post, so instead, I have compiled some random thoughts, feelings, things to ponder about adoption, waiting and life in general...

Congratulations to all the families who passed court this month. I hope by the time you travel, I can send a care package along with you.

Thank you secret pal for the wonderful gift! And even better, were your words of encouragement in the card. This is my first time participating in secret pal and I'm so glad I did. Can't wait until March.

The only good thing about not getting a referral during February is that it is a short month and it is now over.

Why do I ALWAYS pick the slow line at the grocery store?

It is really shitty that there have been no referrals in almost four weeks.

My birthday is this Friday. I wonder if my wish will come true? I turn 36. If someone told me 10 years ago that I would not be finished having all my children by the time I was 36 - I would have truly laughed at them uncontrollably.

I have had a constant knot in my stomach for over a month. Is that normal?

I am slowly letting go of Sara's clothes having to match. She now picks out her outfits for school each morning, and if she likes it, she wears it. Breathe, breathe...hot pink and red DO look just fine together.

I just started a Circuit Training DVD, by Jillian Michaels (from the Biggest Loser) - pain...burn...exhausion - how can that feel good??? But it does!

I wish we had planned a hot holiday this winter.

Will I run the marathon this year or won't I???? If I do, I better get my lazy ass into gear very soon.

It means SO much to me that there are so many wonderful people in my life (in person and online) that keep me going each and everyday - every little bit of encouragement is appreciated and so needed, especially right now.

I am not sleeping very well lately, which is unusual for me.

I am sick and tired of telling people "maybe we will hear something tomorrow, or next week, or next month, we just don't know", with a cute smile and shrug of the shoulders.

I am upset for C, L, R, and S, with all the crap they are going through right now - no one should have to go through that!

Will March be THE month?

13 comments:

Ashleigh, Ben, Noah and Tait said...

I'm with you on #6...the age thing. Would have laughed them out of the park.
I agree...so thankful for Secret Pal swapping. Great decision. I second guessed myself for a bit there, b/c I didn't feel I would give a "good enough" gift someone I didn't even know. But when I found out how grateful she was and how well my gift suited her and then I received my gift I was reassured that it was a great decision. It is my first go at this too. Glad you're enjoying it.
Here's to a longer month with lots of extra time for mega-referrals.

D Dae said...

{hugs} It sucks, all round it just plain sucks.

lyndsey&kevin said...

This whole process is so freaking ass hard. The 6 weeks after our referral were the best!! Now with no end in sight, it is the HARDEST. I never thought anything could be harder than waiting over 19 months for a referral.. unfortunately I was VERY wrong. I hope when your referral does come the rest of your process is smooth, and I am sure it will be.

hugs and fingers crossed for March.

Alysia and Derrick said...

I'm sooooo sorry. Waiting is so hard and you so deserve a break right now. If it makes you feel any better about the age thing, I turn 34 in April and I haven't even got baby number 1 yet! I feel old when my friend who is two years younger talks about the fact that when her kids are in University, she will only be 40. But that's OK. There are parents older than us who do just fine! :)

Janice said...

March sounds like a great month to..... GET A FRICKIN REFFERAL. It's Sunday night and I've suddenly got all this renewed hope for this new month to come.

I think all my emotions are coming out while watching the olympics - so many great moments and so proud to be Cdn.

Janice said...

Oh and I hoping you decided to run the marathon. I'd do it with you if we lived in the same city (it's so easy for me to say that).

Lavonne said...

hey baby cakes....coffee time?

Melissa said...

I've never said this to you before, but I'm telling you, this is your month. I can feel it. But the waiting and February referral drought was certainly frustrating and bad timing. But your little one is coming...

Connie said...

First of all, the title of this post cracked me up!! That's hilarious!

Secondly, I like all your random thoughts... it doesn't always have to be just one topic.

That discouraging when there's no referrals happening. CAFAC hasn't given out any referrals for all of Dec and Jan!! If the reason was that children were staying with their families and weren't in need of being adopted I might be ok with that, but I know that can't be possible. There's always children in need of families.

I'm with you about the age thing. I'm 36 as well. When we got married (almost 14 years ago), I remember telling a friend that I'd be done having children by the time I was 35! Ha!! So much for that theory!

Did I read right (on a different blog)? Will you be at the airport on Sunday? We'll be there! It will be nice to meet in person!

shannon said...

Well you summed up many great random thoughts,

I laughed about Sarah needed to pick her clothes ! I bet she has come up with some great combos .

I also keep thinking it must be so stressful to be at the top, I am so often worrying about the top of the famous list , not cause I am close, I just imagine it to be when crazy stressful place to be.

Feb was also such a shock after the busy January.

Here's to March !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am holding my breath for all of you up there in this tough but exciting spot.

Shannon

Ps I am not sure if this makes you feel better or worse, but after reading the article about SUe and the huge mess we where in , I was quickly reminded that I still cant really believe we got out of it and are moving forward, So all we need now is some speed.

Sharla said...

Well with the Jillian Michaels DVD, you are obviously a sucker for punishment!!! And you will probably be in good enough shape to run a marathon if you want to after that.

I watch Jillian Michaels too, while I sit on my couch, eating a platter of nachos and drinking a Slurpee and feeling guilty about it! I love the Biggest Loser!


No comment about the whole waiting thing because really, what is there to say?!

Jenny said...

Hi!

umm soooo birthday huh, well Kallie came into the care of Imagine on my birthday and was matched with us on my birthday, so it really really could be your birthday gift!!! We did not hear from our agency here until the 22nd which was 3 days after my birthday, BUT i forgive them....now. I know it will be March. I am telling you it will be March. If it is not, I will eat my socks. I will, I promise, and I will send you a photo of me eating them if I am wrong.That is how confident I am. Here is to a very exciting March! I have no doubts.

Jenny
ps Kallie covered herself head to toe in the butter I left out on the table this evening. Butter is really hard to wash off children.I just thought you might want to take note.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the not sleeping thing is a kind of 'nesting'?? (Joan)