What if we did not make the right choice to go international - what if we would already be holding our second child if we would have just stuck out the wait in our domestic adoption - what if we would have been a few months faster with our dossier - what if we would have known the wait was going to be this long from the start...would we have still chosen this path?
I know, I know hind sight is twenty-twenty, don't dwell on the past, what is meant to be will be, blah blah blah....I already know all this, sometimes I just need to try to make sense of all this; it's the way my head works. But I also don't like to dwell on the "what ifs" in my life, because what do I really have to complain about? Is my life really that tragic? This is what I know about my life:
I have a beautiful daughter who fills my life with joy.
I have an amazing, loving, supportive husband.
I am healthy.
I have parents and family who would do anything for me.
I live in a free country, where I can say what I want, when I want.
I have a job. I have a job that I enjoy.
I have no debt (besides the usual - house, car).
I am thankful and so fortunate to have these blessings in my life - So it's taking a few extra years then we thought it would for us to have a family. Yes, it is MY story and MY reality. But is my story really something to write/talk/complain about? When we look back on our life, these years will simply look like a bump along the way - Right?
I need to believe that this too shall pass...
5 comments:
I can relate. I have been tempted to drive myself nuts some days with those "what if's". I have often thought if we had only known of this program a year earlier how fast it all would have been compared to now, but then I think rationally and realize that a year earlier my husband was just about to be laid off from his job of 12 years and the stress of that AND paying for an adoption would have put me over the edge. It's all in God's timing. But it's still very hard, and our prayers are with you.
Alysia
Laura I totally relate! Sometimes I moan and say "why us" and then I realize "wow, we are so lucky in so many ways".
Yes, these years will seem like a bump along the way and yes, this too shall pass
Truth be told, I probably would have gone foster-to-adopt had I known what it'd be like. I'm glad I'm not; I'm glad I'm sticking it out, and I just keep reminding myself that at the end, we will be a family of three. So most of the time, I can keep plugging along. I do try and push it out of my mind a lot though. Tough to do, but I find it easier to be busy and occupied while I wait.
Sigh. Playing the "what if" game is tough on the heart and mind. It's the woulda, coulda, shoulda in life and this will drive anyone crazy. Isn't it about learning how to live in the moment and being okay with where life is at today? I too am trying to learn this and avoid the what ifs in life, especially adoption/fertility related. At the same time, this IS your journey and story and you need to be able to express where you're at and how you're feeling. Stay strong.
I can so relate. We had a seven month hold up at one point and there are two things that could have been done differently that would have made that not happen and it is so hard now not to kick myself for those decisions that I didn't know would lead to this. Had we not been held up those seven months, our DTE would have been September '07 and we would have our referral and for sure be travelling this year. Ugh! But I continually try to convince myself that the children that were meant to be ours were on this timeline and all this was for a reason.
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