Although 15 months should feel like a huge accomplishment, in some ways it feels like we have started all over again. We have no idea whatsoever when our referral will come. We feel so close, yet so far - we are in a constant guessing game of "if this then that". I feel guilty for sounding so ungrateful, because there is no question that I am thrilled that we even have the opportunity to continue - especially with tomorrow being such a big day, with the agency reopening its doors. However, I also cannot wipe away the last 15+ months of waiting. And although we have accomplished so much over the past few months, there are still so many significant unknowns (relationships with Ethiopian orphanages and government, agency finances, timing of referrals, etc.), which is really scary. I really do wonder if this will ever end. Our life has been in a constant adoption waiting (panic, worry, numb, etc.) mode for many many years now - we really don't know anything else. It is hard to imagine any feelings of contentment or completion.
So we continue to do the only thing we know...wait.