Wednesday, September 30, 2009

15 months

Although 15 months should feel like a huge accomplishment, in some ways it feels like we have started all over again. We have no idea whatsoever when our referral will come. We feel so close, yet so far - we are in a constant guessing game of "if this then that". I feel guilty for sounding so ungrateful, because there is no question that I am thrilled that we even have the opportunity to continue - especially with tomorrow being such a big day, with the agency reopening its doors. However, I also cannot wipe away the last 15+ months of waiting. And although we have accomplished so much over the past few months, there are still so many significant unknowns (relationships with Ethiopian orphanages and government, agency finances, timing of referrals, etc.), which is really scary. I really do wonder if this will ever end. Our life has been in a constant adoption waiting (panic, worry, numb, etc.) mode for many many years now - we really don't know anything else. It is hard to imagine any feelings of contentment or completion.

So we continue to do the only thing we know...wait.

5 comments:

Ashleigh, Ben, Noah and Tait said...

It will be good. It will go fast. The second half is always more speedy than the first. We are stronger now. We are more united.
We will see this thing through. I know it.

Rana and Yvan said...

Oh I am trying to think of the perfect thing to say but it is alluding me right now.

Stay strong my friend! You are an inspiration...you have been thru the worst of the storm..

Janice said...

Yep, more hoops to jump and more waiting. If we get what we want in the end it will all be so worth it.

Sharla said...

15 Months! Let's celebrate that you have survived 15 months of waiting...and let's celebrate that your baby WILL be coming home! So yeah to 15 months!

Greg & Leanne said...

It's going to be good, life changing to say the least. I miss our regular chats. I'm back to myself (it does take 6 weeks) and I'm ready to be there for you -- Can I be your sounding board now? You were great for me.