"Mommy can I write to our baby?"

Sara: "Mommy, can I write to our baby?"
Mommy: "What do you want to say? I can write it for you."

Dear Baby,
Goodbye baby. I miss you. I love you. I wish I had you. I want to hold you all the time and I want to kiss you. ("Mommy, can you write Xs and Os for me too?")
OXOXOXOX
Love, Sara

PLEASE HELP

Our family is one of hundreds of families across Canada affected by the recent bankruptcy announcement of our adoption agency, Imagine Adoption. Our hearts are breaking and cannot believe that our dreams are shattered. We are tired. We are devastated. We want to give up…but we cannot, we have dreamed of this child for so many years – this keeps us moving forward.

HOW YOU CAN HELP OUR FAMILY:

1. Sign the petition http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/SaveOurDreamofAdoptingInternatio/index.html
2. Make lots of noise – contact your local media and tell them that this is unacceptable.
3. Contact your local MP and ask that the Federal Government step in to assist in this tragedy – I will even help you draft something.

Thank you and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers – we are in for a very long ride.

I BEG YOU TO SIGN

I beg ANYONE who reads my blog to tell EVERYONE you possibly can to please sign...
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/SaveOurDreamofAdoptingInternatio/index.html
(after you sign, the site takes you to a donation page - you may skip this option)

One small step...PLEASE.

Paralyzed

I cannot speak. I cannot fight. I cannot move. I am paralyzed.

Thank you for being my voice.

Are prayers enough?

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/adoption-agencys-bankruptcy-devastates-families/article1217223/

Just pray

Please...for some kind of miracle...

"That's just the way God made me"

Mommy: "Sara, eat your cheese!"
Sara: "Well Mommy, I don't like cheese anymore. I can't help it...that's just the way God made me!"

It dawned on me the other day...

that the likelihood of getting a referral during court closures this year (August and September) is NIL, NADA, ZILCH, ZIP. With the new process of all children having to go through regional court approval before they can be referred means two months of static, stale, dead air, with no hope of moving forward for anyone. We will be sitting in limbo for over two months until courts regroup again in the fall.

I am really hoping that I am wrong, but what are the chances of regional courts staying open when federal courts close. I am still waiting to hear the details of all this...but I can already predict the outcome...as I am sure you can too...

This sucks...

Why do I even bother?

Because I NEVER receive the answers I want.
Because it is always a vague reply.

Because I can predict the answers before I ask.

Because it is always the same answer every single time.

Because I always feel like crap afterward.
Because I am always expecting more then what I get.

So we have now been "only two months away" since October and recently, the time has extended even longer. It has taken from January to July (over 6 months) to get through the May08 referrals (and longer for girls), which means, realistically we could be waiting well into or past December for our referral - OMG OMG, writing that just gave me a mini panic attack.

Remember a few months ago when I was feeling really good...well lately, the word "CRAP" comes to mind when I think about how I have been feeling. And not the kind that just sits there, but the kind you step in and gets stuck on the bottom of your shoe. Lovely, just lovely.

My marathon high and distraction is officially over - I knew it was too good to last. Will this EVER end??????????? I can't take this much longer...

A year in review.

To celebrate the one year mark let's go back a few years to better days...

My poor baby Lilypie just fell off the end of my tracker and had to start right back at the beginning - sometimes that is how I feel about this journey. I looked back at all my monthly entries over the past year and the following words decribe my feelings at each month of waiting:

1. Excited, naive
2. Hopeful, positive
3. Disappointed
4. Pissed, deceived
5. Numb, scared to feel
6. Energized
7. Feeling close
8. Realistic, trying to find distractions
9. No end in sight, bored
10. Never felt better, completely distracted
11. Reflective, moving forward

And now, the best words to describe completing month 12 would be...ALL OF THE ABOVE.

I wonder what 13 will bring...