Our Fancy Nancy

BTW, if you have a girly Girl, Fancy Nancy is The Perfect book for her!!!

I'm not superstitious...just precautious

I am not superstitious; however, over the past few weeks, I have implemented the following precautionary measures...just in case:

Crossing my fingers
Knocking on wood
Turned seven times in a clockwise circle
Got a horseshoe and rabbit foot (still trying to find a four-leaf clover)
Tried to follow the end of a rainbow
Wore my clothes inside out
Built a fish pond and got a goldfish
I am avoiding cracks, ladders, mirrors, black cats, and opening umbrellas in the house...

Did I mention that the bankruptcy happened in our 13th month of waiting?

But I reiterate, I am not superstitious... by the way, did I missing anything? :) :) :)

Positive thoughts are contagious

A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds (R. Sasson).

I noticed the other day that Chad and I had once again started saying "WHEN that baby comes..." instead of "IF that baby comes..." Instead of feeling defeated we are hopeful. Instead of being devastated we are determined. My new mantra is...

I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.
I WILL bring my baby home.

Now say it with me..."Laura WILL bring her baby home"...that's right, positive thoughts ONLY.

"You idiot, I tried."

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, “You can’t stay here you have to come with us.”

The old man replied, “No, God will save me.” So the boat left.

A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, “God will save me.” So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, “God will save him.” So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “You idiot, I tried. I sent three boats after you!!”

Am I the idiot on the porch? Are all these delays, barriers, brick walls, and dead ends God’s way of trying to tell me that we need to stop all this? That it is over? That our time has passed? Is the bankruptcy one of the boats and this is His way of trying to rescue me from drowning?

What if this is suppose to be the end? And if it is, PLEASE just let it be!!! I don't know how much longer I can hold on - I began to grieve this loss and now we are offered hope. This is torture…emotional torture.

Maybe this whole journey is some kind of test? A test of patience, of perseverance, of will, of determination, of resilience, of endurance…of insanity.

One thing I do know is that I am so tired and I sometimes want to give up...but then I dream of him again...His eyes. His hands. His skin. His smile.

Without You

Without You

Rent Soundtrack

Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows

Without you, the seeds root
the flowers bloom
the children play

The stars gleam
the poets dream
the eagles fly
without you

The Earth turns
the sun burns
but I die, without you

Without you, the breeze warms
the girl smiles
the cloud moves

Without you, the tides change
the boys run
the oceans crash

The crowds roar

the days soar
the babies cry
without you

The moon glows
the river flows
but I die without you

The world revives
colors renew
but I know blue
only blue
lonely blue
willingly blue
Without you

Without you, the hand gropes
the ear hears
the pulse beats

Without you, the eyes gaze
the legs walk
the lungs breathe

The mind churns
the heart yearns
the tears dry without you

Life goes on
but I'm gone
'cause I die, without you
without you
without you
without you...

Vacation Bubble...POP...back to reality.

The three of us lived in a family vacation bubble for the past week - we ate, drank, swam, shopped, and laughed for 7 straight days. We spent a couple days in Minneapolis and then a few days in Wisconsin Dells. We so needed this...Now back to the real world...

Hopeful (but cautious)

Families impacted by the recent bankrupcty of Imagine Adoption voted yesterday at the first creditors' meeting held in Kitchener-Waterloo (THANK YOU RUTH FOR REPRESENTING US) to work with the bankruptcy trustee BDO Dunwoody to present a proposal to rescue the agency from bankruptcy. Work on the proposal should be completed within the next two to four weeks. If the proposal is accepted by the court, the restructured agency will continue to work to complete the adoptions of families.

This is just a first step, but my heart is beating (slowly and cautiously) once again...

"Latte Drinking Yuppy"

I made the mistake of reading a few comments after my interviews with CTV, CBC (local and national), CNN, and Wpg Free Press. "Latte Drinking Yuppy" was only one of the many names I have been called over the past couple weeks. Man, people are so uneducated and ignorant. I actually stopped reading comments after only a few (of 100s) - I was beginning to take the comments so personally, considering my face was in the photos. To combat this ignorance (if it is even possible), the local organization I volunteer for (Friends of Adoption Manitoba) submitted an article to the Wpg Free Press over the weekend. What else can we do besides try to educate others????

As an update, we continue to fight - I can't seem to stop - but I am still not quite sure that people understand what we are fighting for - will people really care about those of us with no referrals? - Most people only see us as losing money and nothing else. How do we fight for something we never had? How do we express to others that our baby has been a part of our family for many years now and just because we have not seen his face doesn't make it any less painful or devastating that we may never will.

Our journey is still not over...

Dear Mr/Ms MP - Just Copy and Paste

Find your Member of Parliament using your Postal Code:

Dear MP

I am writing to you regarding the recent bankruptcy announcement of Imagine Adoption, based in Cambridge, Ontario. This agency was one of only two that is currently licensed to complete adoptions in the country of Ethiopia. Many families from all over Canada (once approved by a provincial adoption agency) have become clients of Imagine Adoption. It has been reported that there are over 400 families that are directly affected by this tragedy.

In the long process to adopt, these families have invested both emotionally and financially in order for Imagine to fulfill not only a legal contract, but their dreams to complete their family. It is imperative that the contract be fulfilled and that these families may bring home their long awaited children from Ethiopia, whether they have received a child referral already or not.

This has been an already very long journey for most of these families. They did everything by the book. They trusted Imagine and the government who licensed them. I am asking that the government now take action to support all the families affected.

I am writing to you to ask for your help; to immediately determine a solution to facilitate and complete all of Imagine Adoption's active files affected by this bankruptcy.

It is imperative that the federal government take an active role in ensuring the well-being of the many hundreds of children and Canadian families who have found themselves completely at a loss in this situation.

We trust that swift government action will accompany the bankruptcy announcement of Kids Link/Imagine Adoption and we await your timely response to this letter.

Sincerely,

Perspective - "You are all I need"

Sara: "Mommy, before I came to you, were you sad?"
Mommy: "Yes, I was so sad."
Sara: "Did you cry?"
Mommy: "Yes, I cried sad tears. But guess what I did when you came?"
Sara: "You cried happy!"
Mommy: "Yes, I did, lots of happy tears."
Sara: " When Ethiopia opens up, you can cry happy tears again."
Mommy: "Yes. But you know what? You make me happy everyday. You are all I need, Sara. You are all I need, forever."