We are two months post referral and we still do not have a court date. I am apprehensive to even complain about this, given that there are so many others with far more significant concerns and my guilt quickly sets in with "Well, at least we have our referral..."But I have to look at this in relative terms - what this point in time means to me and stop comparing myself to everyone else. So I am not going to feel guilty (well maybe a little, it's human nature) about feeling sad about not having a court date. I see the picture of a beautiful boy and I dream of when I can call him "son" - anyone would. I have kept my distance from this little man - a coping mechanism, I presume. I keep him in a dream-like place, not yet ready to make him real.
Nothing about this journey seems fair, no matter where you are in the process - it is not fair that families have to wonder if and when a referral will come, it is not fair that some people wait longer then others, it is not fair that parents randomly receive visas no matter how long (or short) they have been waiting to hold their baby, and it is not fair that we can't dive right into the love we want to feel for a beautiful boy and swallow the excitement whole.
Court re-opens in less than two weeks and our dossier is STILL in Ottawa, it has not even made it to Ethiopia yet. And yes, I am pissed that everyone with July and now August referrals will all have court dates before us. And this will become even more real when all these families start travelling and we are not. We have been informed that at this point our court date will likely not be until November, that is over 4 months post referral!
So that's my rant - a bit selfish, maybe. But I needed to get it out. I generally try to stay positive and look at how far we have come, instead of how much further we have to go, but sometimes it's hard not to hope for better days - and I know everyone can relate to that, no matter where you are on this crazy ride.
11 comments:
You're right - there's not much fair about anything in the adoption life cycle. It must feel like forever waiting for your court date. I can hardly wait until you find out, and can especially hardly wait til you get to officially call him your son...I know in your heart, he's been that for a long time already.
BLessings, and love,
Ruth
For us not actually riding your roller coaster, does the court date travel mean that you can come home with your son? Or will you have to go back again when the court documents are settled? Do you know of anyone else who has a court date for two weeks from now when they re-open?
Are you able to light a fire under Ottawa????
Joan
Thank Joan, all very good questions. After we travel for court, we have to come home (withour our boy) and wait for his travel documents to be ready, this has been taking about 3-4 months (sometimes longer) - so if all goes well (ha) he should hopefully be home by late winter. There are a couple families traveling for court within a week of court being re-opened and others travelling towards the middle of October (all of whom had referrals at around the same time as us - sigh). And no, there is nothing we can do about Ottawa but wait.
Laura
ya gotta love ottawa...NOT. i swear, there is a little man stuck deep in the bowels of some ancient damp building whose only mission is to make life difficult for us hopeful adoptive parents. he's probably out on coffee break as i write this...with a huge mound of paperwork to complete on his desk.
blast that man!
You can complain whatever you want!! 2 months of waiting for a courtdate wow, I hope your dossier will leaving Ottawa soon and that you will have your courtdate still in october maybe the end of october but in that month.
I'm sending my good vibes to that!
Why is adoption such a terrible long and never know when is ends rollercoaster..
Maria ( still waiting for a referral)
Hi Laura,
I haven't posted on your blog before, but have been following it for awhile. We are also adopting from Ethiopia, had a referral last October from Oromia but lost it this summer, and are in Winnipeg also having had to do an updated homestudy. I had a couple of questions that I was wondering if I could email you about. If you wouldn't mind, my email address is sjme@shaw.ca.
Hoping you hear good news soon about court!!!
Jenn Hildebrand
complain away.
i am nearly losing it w/ not having a referral and i know there are others who have the right to voice their discontent much louder than me.
breathe breathe breathe...my daily self-talk.
hang in there. i've been thinking about you recently and wondering if you'd heard anything.
gotta be soon...oh, those sweet little eyes into which you get to gaze until then...i'd pay a million bucks for that.
I know this sucks! Thinking about you guys and hoping your dossier gets out of Ottawa and to Ethiopia ASAP!!
I cannot wait until we all have our children home!
Take care! alicia
I think you have the right to complain after 2 months. Do you know why your dossier is still in Ottawa ?
I hope you will receive your court date very soon.
Good to let it out! I had a week like that last week. Why does it have to take so darn long?? I hope and pray that you get a quick court date soon.
Your clip art always cracks me up.
Hang in there.
Anna
Not selfish at all Laura! That sucks. Praying your dossier gets to Ethiopia fast and that maybe a small miracle will occur and your court date will be sooner than you think!
xoxo
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