Tuesday, October 05, 2010

View from the Top

I have had several people ask me "which has been harder, the wait for the referral or the wait now?" Before our referral, I had heard both sides. I had heard some people say that the wait before referral is harder than the wait after referral, and others say the opposite. This is how I see it... (and I give full credit for this analogy to my dear friend Janice).

Receiving a referral is like the view from the top of the tallest and steepest mountain. You have endured every bit of pain humanly possible for the hope of the most exhilarating feeling ever. You have climbed, scaled, tripped, and stumbled along the way, and many times thought of giving up and never thought you would ever actually make it.

But then, when almost all your energy and determination is gone, you reach the top and it is glorious - all the pain and suffering up to this point are (almost) forgotten in one single moment. You scream, celebrate, and throw your arms up in the air in thanks and wonderment and take in all the beauty around you - nothing can break you in this moment, it feels like you could climb the mountain a 100 times over to achieve this euphoric feeling.

Then, when your adrenaline has taken you as far as it can, you sit and contemplate your journey, and realize that although you have made it all the way to the top, you still need to get back down to the bottom.

You know that there is still a risk of injury and hurt, but you have survived all the elements now and going down a mountain is always easier and less exhausting then climbing up. So, right now I have begun my descent - I am still cautious as I round each corner and scale down the cliff, but going down does not look as scary to me as it does going up. I now have a renewed perspective and a definitive purpose to my journey.

My hope is that our court date is just around the next corner...


Tammy said...

I hope your court date is just around the corner, too. Thinking of you!

Maria said...

Wow, what a great way to see it!!!
Thanks for sharing that, I hope I have that feeling soon but for now I hope your court date will be coming soon!


Dana said...

Hang in there Laura. The end is in sight!!!

Sharla said...

That is a great analogy!

D Dae said...

I found the post referral part much harder, but we had a very long wait for court and then of course all the chaos of the bankruptcy. It was harder because once you see that face, there is a person that you know and love that you are in jeopardy of losing. Every moment of our 8 month wait from referral to travel I was in fear of losing our little man. I found the pre-referral wait hard because of the unknown, but post referral wait was filled with bone chilling fear for me. So I guess in your anaology, going down hill is easier, but so is slipping and breaking your neck as you tumble off the cliff. Also looking down always brings out the fear. So your analogy works still but just in a different way for some of us. :)

Chad, Laura and Sara said...

Dae, I can certainly see your prespective without question, especially with the bankruptcy.

This is where my head is at today, but it does not mean I will feel the same tomorrow, or next week, or next month. I know we still have along way to go, but I am trying to take it all in stride. I was a mess of nerves and anxiety for a year before our referral, barely sleeping and obsessing - I just can't do that to myself again with this wait. So as a coping mechanism I think I have tucked Seth away in my mind to protect my heart. I just can't make him real yet. Scared to leap, scare to jump.

All I know is that for now, today, I am sleeping and living better than I have in a year. But ask me how I am feeling about this analogy in a few months from now and I might just throw it right out the window and join your side of mountain :).


alicia said...

So true Laura!
I hope you get your court date soon!! Like tomorrow.
Hoping we will be in Ethiopia in November!!

Janice said...

Well said Laura!

Being as close as we are to getting the visa and traveling, I can say that the climb up the mountain to the peak (referral) was much harder than making our way back down.

Having a little girl to love (even as far away as she is) has really helped me get to this point. Getting monthly photos helps so much too - a little face to look at and fall more and more in love with every day. The wait for the visa is hard because it's the final step and takes a ridiculously long amount of time but when the end is in sight, it feels sooo good.

I can't wait for you to get your court date and be one step closer.

I was eating red licorice while I wrote that. : )

Anna said...

Great analogy. I would have to agree that the wait for referral was harder than the post referral wait. Post referral (waiting for Visa)has been frustrating, but not as stressful as waiting for referral. I really hope and pray that you get your court date soon!

La Belle Vie said...

These have been wonderful to read. I'm still waiting for my referral but it's nice to get some ideas of what it will be like on the way down. ; ) xx

Anonymous said...

It's like a huge exhale...now I can see the little faces I have loved so much even before referral. They are etched in my mind even though their sweet pictures are everywhere in my house and office. Hope we get good news by Friday!

*waiting with you!