Confession Friday, Jan 28

I confess that we have no idea what to expect this morning - it could all be over or it could just be the beginning.

I confess that I could not stop laughing after we heard that our last court date was postponed - Chad thought there was something seriously wrong with me, but crying and screaming just seemed too obvious. I actually chuckled throughout the entire day at the ridiculousness of it all. It sometimes feels like it isn't even happening to us - that this is someone elses story and not our own. Can you say "disassociation"?

I confess that I have sometimes been avoiding people lately - pretending not to see them, walking in the other direction, acting really busy or rushed, etc. - anything to avoid having to tell them what's been happening, or should I say, what's NOT happening.

I confess that I have a couple of very special friends that I have met through this journey who have been much more than just email support over the past few months. Nothing is off limits, nothing is the wrong thing to say, and censoring is not an option. All the good, the bad, and the ugliest of uglies are exchanged. They have not wavered or ran away from the awfulness of our situation. They listen to me cry and scream through my words and I never have to feel badly for it. They don't try to "fix" or sugar-coat or give me false hopes - they are real and honest, but compassionate in their delivery. Thank you my dear friends - I know you know who you are.

I confess that it is Chad's birthday today and as of Thursday afternoon (when I'm writing this), I have still not bought his gift. But hopefully it won't matter if or what I get him, if we receive an unexpected miracle tomorrow...what better gift could there possibly be.

I confess that we booked our Vegas trip!

I confess that I have watched seasons 1 through 5 of Greys Anatomy over the last three months and just started season 6 . I cried and cried and cried at the end of the last episode of season 5 when Meredeth realizes that the guy that got ran over by the bus is George, and he and Izzy are both dieing and you don't know who will live - Oh, it was just too much. Like I haven't cried enough lately...

I confess that I hate the word "hump", I don't like the way it sounds or what it means - I think it is a really terrible English word...

I confess that we have a cleaning lady that comes every two weeks. And Chad and I spend the whole evening before running around the house tidying up and getting ready for her?????? Doesn't this defeat the whole purpose of having someone clean our house? Although she still seems to find 3 hours worth of cleaning...

I confess that Sara brings home SO much paper, clutter and "art" from school that we often end up throwing most of it away without her knowing. But when she sometimes finds it in the garbage we usually say "Oh, the cleaning lady must of done that." We just don't have the heart to say that we threw it away. Come on, there is only so much stuff we can keep.