Friday, January 14, 2011

Confession Friday, Jan 14

I confess that I found out about 10 minutes ago that our next court date has been scheduled for January 21 - one whole long week away - minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days...

I confess that I had hoped and prayed and wished for this confession to bring good news, but it is mostly filled with sad and pathetic thoughts.

I confess that I am now eating my words from a previous post View from the Top.

I confess that I would go back to the pain and hurt of infertility and the bankruptcy in a heartbeat to replace the pain and hurt of what we are living through right now.

I confess that last weekend Sara and I dressed up in "fancy" clothes, did each others hair, make-up, and painted nails, then danced around the living room to an entire Justin Bieber CD. I looked like a clown gone terribly wrong, but Sara was in her glory.

I confess that we need an answer. Any answer at this point. Postponements mean limbo and limbo mean we cannot move forward and not moving forward is beyond torture.

I confess that Tuesday is my least favor day of the week. It's a nothing day with no end in sight.

I confess that I would never wish what we are going through on my worst enemy, yet I have to watch my husband, daughter and family suffer through it everyday.

I confess that I am worried about what all this is doing to Sara. She said the other day "Mommy, I am very sad that I am not going to be a big sister. I miss Seth so much, and he will miss me too, right?"

I confess that Sunday will be six months since we received our referral and everyone in the same referral month as us are now home with their children - and this really hurts.

I confess that I drink over 3 litres of tea each day. Yes, 3 litres.

I confess that Chad and I are going out on a date tonight. Our house has been pretty quiet lately - there's not much to say really. But we need some "us" time, to celebrate the happiness we DO have - together as a couple and as a family.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel. I cry for you everytime I think about what your are going through. Please know that I am praying for you and your family and hope you get the answer you deserve!

Your little sisters friend - Hilary

darci said...

i am so so sorry,...i wish there was something we could do. thinkng of you and praying for you often. darci

Jillian said...

I don't know you or comment often, but would you believe that I think of you every single day? I can't imagine what you are going through, and wish this torture would end for you.

In my thoughts and sending only the very best for you...

Jillian
(waiting for a referral with IA)

Joy said...

Praying, right now, for resolution for you at next week's court date.

elsie hiebert said...

I confess that you have me in tears right now. Praying that they will make a decision at the next court date.

lyndsey&kevin said...

I confess I am picturing you fondling your breasts (from my blog post) and it makes me smile because I did the SAME thing.

Have a GREAT date night!!

Kendra said...

Laura, I am sorry to hear this has been postponed again. I am sure the limbo is far harder than any other part of this process and hope you do hear an answer soon. I also hope that answer means that Sara is going to be a big sister!

I will be thinking of you next week.

Sarah said...

I've been reading your blog since around the time you received your referral for Seth in July. I have also been thinking of you and your family and sending positive energy even though we don't know each other. I will be thinking of you all and hoping for a miracle on January 21st. The 21st is a special day in my family so hopefully it will bring some magic for yours too.

Sarah @ Cozy.Cottage.Cute. said...

I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through right now.

On a happier note though, your Justin Bieber confession made me smile. Real big.

Gotta love the Biebs! I'm thinking of getting a t-shirt and wearing it to work on dress down days so the kids at school will like me even more. ;)

Sharla said...

I confess that when I read "I drink over 3 litres of ... a day", I had to read it twice to make sure it didn't say "wine" because after all you've been through, it's amazing that it's just tea that you're drinking so much of.

Anna said...

Oh, Laura- I'm so sorry what you're going through right now. I'll keep you in my prayers.

I hope you had a nice date night.

emily and mike said...

Oh Laura, this post just breaks my heart. Yet through all this agony you are still such an amazing mom to your sweet Sara! Dancing around to Justin Beiber! Wow. I love it. I hope and pray for good news at your next court date. And I'm sorry that you are still in limbo. It's not right.