I confess that I found out about 10 minutes ago that our next court date has been scheduled for January 21 - one whole long week away - minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days...
I confess that I had hoped and prayed and wished for this confession to bring good news, but it is mostly filled with sad and pathetic thoughts.
I confess that I am now eating my words from a previous post View from the Top.
I confess that I would go back to the pain and hurt of infertility and the bankruptcy in a heartbeat to replace the pain and hurt of what we are living through right now.
I confess that last weekend Sara and I dressed up in "fancy" clothes, did each others hair, make-up, and painted nails, then danced around the living room to an entire Justin Bieber CD. I looked like a clown gone terribly wrong, but Sara was in her glory.
I confess that we need an answer. Any answer at this point. Postponements mean limbo and limbo mean we cannot move forward and not moving forward is beyond torture.
I confess that Tuesday is my least favor day of the week. It's a nothing day with no end in sight.
I confess that I would never wish what we are going through on my worst enemy, yet I have to watch my husband, daughter and family suffer through it everyday.
I confess that I am worried about what all this is doing to Sara. She said the other day "Mommy, I am very sad that I am not going to be a big sister. I miss Seth so much, and he will miss me too, right?"
I confess that Sunday will be six months since we received our referral and everyone in the same referral month as us are now home with their children - and this really hurts.
I confess that I drink over 3 litres of tea each day. Yes, 3 litres.
I confess that Chad and I are going out on a date tonight. Our house has been pretty quiet lately - there's not much to say really. But we need some "us" time, to celebrate the happiness we DO have - together as a couple and as a family.