Sunday, April 10, 2011

I wish I could tell all of you in this post...

...that we received the “positive outcome” we were told to expect.

...that all the problems we have been experiencing with Seth’s adoption have been resolved.

...that we finally have Seth’s birth certificate and passport ready to go to Nairobi.

...that Seth is, 100% undoubtedly, coming home.

...that we can finally breathe again, live again, and just be again.

...that I will have my son in my arms soon.

...that everything we have endured over the past few months is now behind us.

...but I cannot and I don’t know if or when I will ever be able to...

It truly pains me to have to tell anyone that we are still in limbo and that NO ONE can tell me that everything is going to be OK. It hurts just to breathe sometimes. It hurts to think about my sweet boy and wonder if I will ever hold him again. It hurts to know that their are people who don't think we are good enough...that really hurts.

I often find myself wandering around in my own thoughts, trying to rationalize and make sense of everything that is happening - it can be all consuming some days. I want to scream out like an angry child "IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY? WHY? WHY?...", but there are things that happen in life that will never be explained. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. I want to believe that this is all part of a bigger plan. It's just so hard to believe in anything sometimes.

We don't know when or if this will end, or what is going to happen or how, BUT I do know that my boy, MY SON needs us to keep fighting - for him, for this family, for what is right. So I will...for as long as necessary.

23 comments:

Kendra said...

Laura, I hope you get some answers soon. I cant imangine a reason why this would still be delayed. I check here often for updates hoping for some good news to show up.

Corrie said...

And we will keep praying until Seth is safely home in your arms.

june said...

Oh, Laura. I just can't imagine your agony. I wish you & your family courage.

Ranavan said...

Laura, this is just beyond what anyone should have to endure!

Sending you strength and love,

Rana

Hi from Ruth! said...

Can the Canadian government not get involved at some point...after all, they have citizens with a child who has been legally adopted and who is not being permitted to be processed to come home. Really, seriously, what can our gov't do here? There must be something...this is just crazy.

Ruth

Dancin' Momma said...

I am so sorry, your family has endured so much. This is not right.

Carey said...

So sorry, I have been following your blog and journey, all so difficult and painful. Wishing this would resolve and let you go get your son and bring him home. So sorry

The Gaboury's said...

Laura;
So sorry that you are still in limbo, the unknown is so scary. I will keep praying for you and your family and for Seth to be reunited with his family because it is just soooooo unfair.
Debbie

emily said...

I'm so sorry to read this Laura. I'm always checking hoping for some good news.... I agree with Ruth though. Is there something the government can do?
Praying for you! You have been through so much.

Rebecca said...

Sorry to hear things aren't any better. Sometimes I don't think there is a reason, but being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not your fault but it sure stinks. Try and hang on. Hoping for better news soon.

elsie hiebert said...

So sorry to hear this Laura. I check daily hoping and praying that you will have your son. I think of everything you have gone through and I am amazed at your strength. I will keep praying for this.

darci said...

oh Laura..i am so so sorry to read this. Every time I see you have posted my heart jumps with hope, that this will be the post that says he is coming home. I am so sad to read this, and I can only imagine what you have been going thru all these long months. Please know my thoughts and prayers are OFTEN with you. darci

Carolyn said...

Your journey has been so unfair- there just has to be an end in sight. Thinking of you guys.


Carolyn

Anonymous said...

Continuing to pray and hope, Laura. pat

La Belle Vie said...

I am so sorry Laura. I pray for you all the time and I am so angry for everything you have gone through. Lots of love, Jessa

Anna said...

I can't imagine how you must be hurting. I hope and pray that you will be able to post all of those positive things one day soon!

Melissa Waechter said...

With being in a simular situation, I too what to scream like a child WHY??? I DONT understand!! I do know exactly how you feel and I am so sad for us both. In the midst of all this I still hear God saying, "Focus on ME, and only ME" this is so true, if we focus on the rollercoaster we WILL go crazy. Thoug we havent met I feel so close to you for reasons I wish werent so

shannon said...

Laura,

I am so sorry that this is so unfair.
I am hear behind you and will stand and help you fight any way I can.
Thinking of you all
Shannon

Sharla said...

I'm so sorry. I wish too that you were able to say all of those things you hoped to say and that you could know for certain how this will turn out.

The kids and I pray every morning before homeschooling for Seth to be able to be with his family. I can hardly wait for the day when I can show them a picture of the four of you together at last.

Hope Not Deferred said...

I am sorry for your pain. I will be praying Seth is home with you soon!

Ramona said...

I just don't even know what to say. Your little boy needs to be with his family. I continue to pray and to hope for you when you can't.
Ramona

Sarah said...

Thinking of you and your family and hoping that whatever is holding up Seth's journey home will be resolved soon!

Anonymous said...

And I will stand beside you and fight with you/for you , for our children , our families. I will pray for you until Seth is home.

shirley
xo