...that all the problems we have been experiencing with Seth’s adoption have been resolved.
...that we finally have Seth’s birth certificate and passport ready to go to Nairobi.
...that Seth is, 100% undoubtedly, coming home.
...that we can finally breathe again, live again, and just be again.
...that I will have my son in my arms soon.
...that everything we have endured over the past few months is now behind us.
...but I cannot and I don’t know if or when I will ever be able to...
It truly pains me to have to tell anyone that we are still in limbo and that NO ONE can tell me that everything is going to be OK. It hurts just to breathe sometimes. It hurts to think about my sweet boy and wonder if I will ever hold him again. It hurts to know that their are people who don't think we are good enough...that really hurts.
I often find myself wandering around in my own thoughts, trying to rationalize and make sense of everything that is happening - it can be all consuming some days. I want to scream out like an angry child "IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY? WHY? WHY?...", but there are things that happen in life that will never be explained. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. I want to believe that this is all part of a bigger plan. It's just so hard to believe in anything sometimes.
We don't know when or if this will end, or what is going to happen or how, BUT I do know that my boy, MY SON needs us to keep fighting - for him, for this family, for what is right. So I will...for as long as necessary.