"Put it in your heart"

Mommy: "Oh, I hope I sleep tonight, I'm so tired."
Sara: "Why won't you sleep?"
Mommy: "Oh, just thinking about all the things I need to do before I go and all the things I will be doing when I'm in Ethiopia, like meeting Seth."
Sara: "Why don't you just dream about all that instead?"
Mommy: "Sometimes it's hard to get to sleep when you have lots on your mind."
Sara: "Well, what you need to do is take it out of your mind and put it all into your heart and then save it for when you see Seth. So, just put your hand on your head, like this, and take it from your head and then put it to your heart. See, now you can sleep!!!"

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Mommy: "Will you share your toys with the new baby?"
Sara: "Well, only the soft ones, like stuffies, so he can't hurt himself on all my good toys."

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Daddy: "What do you think we will say to the baby when we see him for the first time?"
Sara: "Party's over!! Time to go!!"

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Daddy: "Remember Sara, it might take our baby a bit of time to get used to daddy, and might want to be with mommy a lot."
Sara: "OK, but as soon as he is not scared of you anymore, I get to go back on mommy's team."

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And for a good chuckle...

After a lengthy discussion of different body parts...
Sara: "I know where babies grow too!"
Mommy: "Where?"
Sara: "In the mommy's tummy."
Mommy: "Well, not in the tummy, but under the tummy in the uterus."
Sara: "And you did not grow a baby in your tummy, right?"
Mommy: "That's right, my uterus cannot grow a baby."
Sara: "Hey, Mommy!!!! Did you and Daddy try that lovin' thing to get a baby? Maybe that might work!!!"
Mommy: "Do you mean 'make love'?"
Sara: "Yes, like when you go into bed and a baby comes out?"
Mommy: "We tried that, but it didn't work..."

OMG, I LEAVE ON SUNDAY

That's right, you're reading it, just as I am still processing it!!!! Long story, BUT we have now been granted the opportunity to appear in court the same day as Seth's birthmom, which is NOVEMBER 5!!!!!! The judge originally wanted the Birthfamily and Adoption family court dates a month apart, BUT the judge changed her mind.

I found out only this morning. I have offically changed my flights and I leave on Oct 31 in the morning!!!!

IN ONE WEEK I AM GOING TO SEE MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO I NEED TO DO????? My brain is mush.

PLEASE DONATE - Crocs, Socks, and Underwear

ETHIOPIA ORPHANAGE DONATION

As part of my travels to Ethiopia, I plan to visit several orphanages. WITH YOUR HELP, I am hoping to collect several key items/supplies that orphanages are in desperate need of.

IT’S EASY TO HELP!!
Just send any of the following items to me by December 1, 2010!!!!
(email me for mailing address lcmorrison@shaw.ca)

NEW or Gently Used Children's Crocs
(Orphanages would like Crocs because they are antibacterial, durable, easy to wash and care for, and fully protect little feet from disease.)

NEW Children's Socks NEW Children's Underwear

Shivers, Butterflies and Plans

On Friday, the day after we received our court date, I was sitting in my office and I had the most intense feeling come over me. I was thinking about everything (as I always do), especially the fact that I would be meeting Seth in less than two months. I suddenly felt my entire body freeze - I had shivers everywhere, all the way from the inside out - my eyes became fuzzy - my head was cloudy - my heart skipped quickly - and the butterflies took over my stomach. It only lasted about a second or two, but it was so intense. It was not a bad or scary feeling, it was an anticipatory overwhelming feeling, like this IS all really happening!
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We have busily been planning our trip to Ethiopia. Well, I should say "I", as I am travelling to court by myself - yikes!

This is how it is suppose to happen:

I am required to be in Ethiopia 3 days before court. I have already BOOKED MY FLIGHT - EEEEEEE, what an amazing feeling... I arrive in Addis Ababa on December 3. As of today, there are 51 days before I leave (but who's counting)...I can do that, right???

Prior to court, I will have an opportunity to see Seth for the first time. This visit will last only about 15 minutes, there is no one-on-one time, and NO pictures can be taken. It is an opportunity for me to observe him and ask few questions about his development.

I appear in front of the judge sometime on December 7. I believe there is no specific time set, I have to arrive in the morning and then just wait for my name to be called.

IF we pass court, we become the legal parents of Seth - AHHHHHH!!! He will be moved from his orphanage to the Imagine Transition Home. Once at the Transition Home, I will have a chance to visit with him. I will spend about 1-2 hours with him (and TH staff), give him his gifts, hopefully play a little, hold him (hug him, kiss him, touch him) if he lets me, and take a MILLION ZILLION pictures and videos.

IF we DO NOT pass court that day (or in other words, the court decision is delayed), I leave on my scheduled departure day, without another visit with Seth and not one single picture of him. Not passing court, does not mean that we will not become Seth's parents - it means that we do not pass court on that particular day (for example, a document is missing or clarification is needed on a document). My appearance/testimony would be logged and we do not have to reappear in court again. However, it may take days or weeks to acquire what is necessary to pass court. I pray that this is not the scenario that we are faced with.

I depart on December 10, arriving home on December 11.

Then what? We have chosen to bring Seth home as a Canadian Citizen (the other option was to bring him home with a Permanent Residency Visa). Seth documents will be sent to the High Commissioner in Nairobi, Kenya that processed immigration for Ethiopia (and several other African countries). Once Seth has been issued the appropriate travel documents, we (Chad, Sara and I) will travel back to Ethiopia to BRING HIM HOME!!! The wait between passing court and finalizing immigration papers can range anywhere from 3-6 months... I hope and pray that Seth is home sometime in March, but it is entirely possible that it may take months longer.

IT'S A DATE!!!!!!

December 7, 2010 - That is the day we have been granted to appear in Ethiopian court to become the legal parents of Seth. I am so so so so so glad to finally know and begin to plan, but a little sad that it is still so far way.

More to come about our plans...

View from the Top

I have had several people ask me "which has been harder, the wait for the referral or the wait now?" Before our referral, I had heard both sides. I had heard some people say that the wait before referral is harder than the wait after referral, and others say the opposite. This is how I see it... (and I give full credit for this analogy to my dear friend Janice).

Receiving a referral is like the view from the top of the tallest and steepest mountain. You have endured every bit of pain humanly possible for the hope of the most exhilarating feeling ever. You have climbed, scaled, tripped, and stumbled along the way, and many times thought of giving up and never thought you would ever actually make it.

But then, when almost all your energy and determination is gone, you reach the top and it is glorious - all the pain and suffering up to this point are (almost) forgotten in one single moment. You scream, celebrate, and throw your arms up in the air in thanks and wonderment and take in all the beauty around you - nothing can break you in this moment, it feels like you could climb the mountain a 100 times over to achieve this euphoric feeling.

Then, when your adrenaline has taken you as far as it can, you sit and contemplate your journey, and realize that although you have made it all the way to the top, you still need to get back down to the bottom.

You know that there is still a risk of injury and hurt, but you have survived all the elements now and going down a mountain is always easier and less exhausting then climbing up. So, right now I have begun my descent - I am still cautious as I round each corner and scale down the cliff, but going down does not look as scary to me as it does going up. I now have a renewed perspective and a definitive purpose to my journey.

My hope is that our court date is just around the next corner...

A Special Name for A Special Boy

We have had a name picked out for a son for many many years now. We have never changed or wavered from this name. It is a name that is known, but not too common. There are very few people who knew the name we had chosen. For many years, as our friends and family would announce their children into the world we would breathe a sigh of relief as the name we had chosen still remained "ours".

On the day we saw our boy's face for the first time, we both knew that this would be his name, but for some reason I was still a little scared to share it with others - maybe we had kept it to ourselves for so long it felt like telling someone our secret, maybe I did not want people to judge or dislike the name because we love it so much, or maybe saying this name made him become more and more real, and I am afraid to fall too hard for him before he is legally our son.

But as the weeks have passed, saying his name has become more and more comforting and natural. His name is a part of our daily conversations and we love talking about him by name.

Seth is the name we call him and it means "Appointed One." His birth names will be his middle names and we will share these names after we pass court.

The Tag Team

Before I start this post I need to first include a disclaimer that Chad is THE most amazing dad and husband anyone could ever ask for - he is dedicated, loving, affectionate, compassionate, and so much fun - he can make Sara and I laugh and laugh and laugh. This post pokes fun of his silly side.
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"Stop that you guys."
"Someone is going to get hurt."
"I'm not getting involved in this, sort it out yourself."
"If you guys make a mess, you have to clean it up too."
"Don't do that in the house, you might break something."
"Don't start that now, it's bedtime soon."

These are some of the voices of THE mom I often use when Sara and Chad get going on their playing. As much as I love watching them play, I sometimes feel like a single parent when something gets brewing with the two of them. But in the end, nothing can make Sara laugh better then a silly joke, game, or prank by Daddy.

However, there is one particular activity they do together that I just cannot give "the mom stamp of approval". This activity is a fairly recent one, like within the last 6 months or so, and it has now turned into a regular event on our living room floor.

It's wrestling...and not the competitive sports kind.

These are a few of things I have heard coming from my sweet baby girl's mouth (all heard from Chad originally) when a match gets going:

"Daddy, prepare for hurt!"
"Daddy there's a bird behind you, look that way...(CRASH)"
"Do you want to go to the hospital or the grave yard?"
"NOOOO, not the meatball."
"Mommy!!! Daddy is not playing fair."

I sit back watching this take place right before my eyes, shaking my head, and occasionally warning them about the potential consequences of their game - but most of the time I end up laughing along with them. I know I shouldn't, my mama brain knows better, but sometimes they are just too hilarious not to crack a smile.

Come on, just look at Chad's face, tell me these aren't hilarious (click on the pictures to make the collage bigger):

(thanks Ruth for the collage lesson)

Good News Bad News

Whenever I am asked the question "Do you want the good news or bad news first?" I always ask for the good news first - softens the bad news most times. So here it is, the good news-bad news about our dossier and court...

The good new: Our dossier is FINALLY on its way to Ethiopia! Which is certainly a relief. Let's just hope it arrives safely (Did I just jinx myself?).

The bad news: Ethiopia court is no longer issuing court dates during closure; in fact, you had to have filed before the closure to get a court date, so in the end we never had a chance anyway. We have also been informed that we will not know our court date until at least mid-October (that is still another month from now). And to top it off, our agency files for court as files arrive at their Ethiopian office, not according to referral date, so we are officially at the bottom of the pile right now.

I'm trying to find the good in this bad...but I just can't seem to.

I promise that my next post will be a bit lighter (I have an idea brewing for one about Chad and Sara - stay tuned).

Still no court date in sight.

We are two months post referral and we still do not have a court date. I am apprehensive to even complain about this, given that there are so many others with far more significant concerns and my guilt quickly sets in with "Well, at least we have our referral..."

But I have to look at this in relative terms - what this point in time means to me and stop comparing myself to everyone else. So I am not going to feel guilty (well maybe a little, it's human nature) about feeling sad about not having a court date. I see the picture of a beautiful boy and I dream of when I can call him "son" - anyone would. I have kept my distance from this little man - a coping mechanism, I presume. I keep him in a dream-like place, not yet ready to make him real.

Nothing about this journey seems fair, no matter where you are in the process - it is not fair that families have to wonder if and when a referral will come, it is not fair that some people wait longer then others, it is not fair that parents randomly receive visas no matter how long (or short) they have been waiting to hold their baby, and it is not fair that we can't dive right into the love we want to feel for a beautiful boy and swallow the excitement whole.

Court re-opens in less than two weeks and our dossier is STILL in Ottawa, it has not even made it to Ethiopia yet. And yes, I am pissed that everyone with July and now August referrals will all have court dates before us. And this will become even more real when all these families start travelling and we are not. We have been informed that at this point our court date will likely not be until November, that is over 4 months post referral!

So that's my rant - a bit selfish, maybe. But I needed to get it out. I generally try to stay positive and look at how far we have come, instead of how much further we have to go, but sometimes it's hard not to hope for better days - and I know everyone can relate to that, no matter where you are on this crazy ride.