Come on, seriously already!

22 freakin' months of waiting - Really? Really? To be completely honest, I am actually a bit shocked that I am even having to post about this - I have been so hopeful this month. And the fact that this crazy adoption can still shock me, shocks me - I really should know better by know, don't you think?

I am tired of letting people down. I am tired of calling friends and family and the voice on the other end says "Hello???" - with the kind of "hello" that is a question, not a statement or greeting. And I have to reply with "Nothing new" before I start into the unimportant reason for my call - and I can sense their disappointment even though they say nothing.

At this point, I am feeling like "the call" will be so anticlimactic - with no surprise or shock value whatsoever - with feelings of "IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME"!!! Please don't get me wrong, I will scream, shot, and celebrate as hard as anyone would; however, there will certainly be an element of "FINALLY".

We are blessed with so many wonderful people cheering us on and it is just so hard to have absolutely nothing to say to them. I think their are other people that might feel the same way once our referral comes - thrilled and excited, but "it's about time!"

I know he will be perfect and I know it will all make sense when I see his face - it's just so hard right now.

Guinea Pigs: To Be or Not to Be?

Will this be Chad and I in a few months from now? As cute and cuddly as they may look, I just don't feel like being the ones to start under the new travel policy - to hammer out all the kinks - to test the waters - to venture into unknown territory. I just don't feel like it - I just don't think I have the energy.

If you are wonder what this rant is about... we have recently been informed that IF we receive our referral and file our paperwork to Ethiopian court before May 9th, we will NOT be required to travel for court. Now, don't get me wrong, the thought of meeting our sweet precious babe sooner then later is quite exciting; however, I do have a few mixed feelings. My biggest fear is being the guinea pigs of this new system - and with May 9th fast approaching, it is extremely likely that Chad and I may very well be the first guinea pigs to test this new travel policy - and that scares me. Like international adoption is not scary enough, but with all these additional questions and unknowns, it is just too much for me to take in right now. Besides, I am still in denial that we need to get started on our homestudy update next week, let alone worrying about this whole new process.

With all that said, I know we will make it work, whatever is thrown our way - we have somehow made it through all this so far. I just wish for once (just once) that we are given a little slack...is that too much to ask?

Idol Gives Back - Ethiopia

Ring...PLEASE!!!!!

I've got to take it out on something....right?

More Sara Moments

Word association...

Daddy: "Move your butt to the bathroom to brush your teeth!"
Sara: "Daddy, you can't say that word!...But, you can say but when you are talking, just not that word!"

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TGIF...

Sara: "Why does Friday have to come at the end of the week? I want it to come first!!"

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Trauma in the life of a 5-year-old...

Sara: "My name does NOT have an 'h' on the end!!! Chris, at school, said it had an 'h' and said RIGHT UP IN MY FACE - 'Sarah...hhhhhaaaaa'...then he said 'See, your name does have an 'h'!'"

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What my child is learning on the playground...

Sara: "Mommy, I know where kids go when they are really really bad."
Mommy: "Where?"
Sara: "Judy" (what she meant to say was 'Juvy')

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We will get there...

Sara: "Mommy, we have to be at my school at 8 SHARP."
Mommy: "We will be there by 8."
Sara: "But will it be SHARP?"

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Because 5-year-olds are never wrong...

Sara: "I like that song from Justin Beaver."
Mommy: "His name is Justin Bieber."
Sara: "Why did he change his name?"

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Are you smarter then a 5-year-old...

Sara: "What holds up the sky?"
Mommy: "The sky never ends, it goes on forever and ever."
Sara: "...???? So do the clouds hold up the sky?"
Mommy: ?????
Sara: "What holds up the town? Why don't the buildings fall down?"
Mommy: "Towns are on the earth, and the earth floats in space."
Sara: "...???? So what holds up the earth?"

Can you be closer then close? UPDATED

I think I need to clarify that this post comes only from pure excitement and anticipation - I have not heard or been told anything - but with the last few referrals, I am barely keeping it together...

If you can be, that would be where we are right now...closer then close...

So close...

Really close...

Very close...

Truly close...

Especially close...

Particularly close...

Incredibly close...

Exceptionally close...

Extremely close...

Awfully close...

Immensely close...

Unbelievably close...

I thought just being 'close' was hard, but being 'closer then close' is worse then any part of this wait so far...

Naked Temper Tantrums in Public

I've had a couple discussions lately with friends about temper tantrums and they reminded me of two MAJOR temper tantrums Sara had when she was younger - both involved us being out in public and ending with Sara naked in the car...

The first time, we were at a restaurant, I had taken Sara to the washroom (when she was first potty training). I don't know what came over her, but she kicked her pants right off while sitting on the toilet and refused to put them back on - she began going absolutely wild - screaming, kicking, crying. I had no idea what to do - it was (and still is) absolutely amazing to me at the strength a child possesses when they are in such a rage - there was no way whatsoever I could have put those pants on her, as hard as I tried. I knew I needed Chad's help, but he was all the way across the restaurant. What to do? And, of course, no one was going to help the crazy mother with her half naked screaming child. So I swallowed all my pride - I grabbed Sara under her arms (almost in a wrestling hold), with her naked from the waist down, kicking and screaming, and I walked out into the restaurant. The place was PACKED (of course) and Chad said (later) that all he heard was someones crazy kid screaming and then...with his eyes as big as saucers, all he saw was a VAGINA coming straight towards him and thought "OMG, OMG, I don't know them - get them away from me!!!" All I did was laugh uncontrollably the entire time, it was all I could do in such an embarrassing situation. Chad looked at me and said "What. Are. You. Doing??" Chad was getting mad at me because I couldn't stop laughing and we both soon realized that, even with Chad's help, for the life of us, we could not get her darn pants on - and EVERYONE was starring at us. Chad and I kept looking at each other with our faces saying "What do we do? How long do we wrestle her for? How long can she keep this up?" Finally, Chad calmly put Sara under his arm (like a football) and headed for the door - with me following, still laughing hysterically (like the kind of laugh where I almost peed). And just when we thought it might be over - we had to find a way to strap a screaming, flailing, super-powered child into her car seat - it was like trying to bend a piece of wood in half. We finally made it home, put her straight to bed and she was sleeping within minutes...

The second temper tantrum was one evening after Sara's swimming lesson and ended very similar to the first time - screaming naked Sara in the car...

Eating Socks

Oh yes she did...

Even after I gave her an out, Jenny still fulfilled her promise...What a trooper!!! Thanks for the laugh...I needed this today. Hilarious!!!

April Fools

I seriously considered posting a title on my blog today saying "REFERRAL!!!" - with the body reading "April Fools". Is that messed up or what? I would have many family and friends not thinking I was very funny whatsoever and wondering whether I needed to be committed.

Half of me thought it would be hilarious (because that is how crazy I have become). The other half of me would be doing it out of shier boredom from the monotony of this waiting. My sick mind actually thought I might even get some pleasure out of the reactions...

This is what kind of messed up place I am in these days...

STOP THE MADNESS